THE GREAT AMERICAN SPECTACnLAR DRAMA. 



Gorgeous Serio-Comie 

SPECTACULAR DRAMA, 

I ^ >i> ^ ^ —ENTITLED — 

THE DEAL'S KINGDOM! 

Prologue, Five Acts and Several Grand Tableaux. 

By SIMON M. LANDIS, M. D. 

Author of the "The Social War of 1900; or, The Conspirators 
and Lovers." " Lessons in Search of Greatness ; or, Stepping 
Down the Ladder." "The Insane Lover ; or. Fate of 
the Libertine." "The Fiend ; or, Torturer of Inno- 
cence." "Mesmer, the Terror of the Rich," &c. 



Tie Devil's Kinidoi is in 1m Wm\ 

The Drawing Room Edition is intended for the "Road," 
and requires only four Performers, Two Ladies and Two Gentle- 
men for the full company, to portray eighteen characters. The 
CioRGEous Stage Edition requires an immense company and is 
more gorgeous and far grander than the Black Crook, or any 
other spectacular drama of modern date. Each act is complete 
in itself. 



PRINTED, but not PUBLISHED, 

By the Author, Dr. S. M. Landis, at his Medical Institution, 

13 North Eleventh Street, Philadelphia, Pa. 

1875. 



THE QREAT AMERICAN SPECTACULAR DRAMA, 



Gorgeous Serio-Comic 

SPECTACULAR DRAMA, 



ENTITLED — 



THE DEVIL'S EINGDOffl! 



Prologue, Five Acts and Several Grand Tableaux. 

By SIMON M. LANDIS, M. D. 

Author of the "The Social War of 1900; or, The Conspirators 
and Lovers." " Lessons in Search of Greatness ; or, Stepping 
Down the Ladder." "The Insane Lover; or. Fate of 
the Libertine." "The Fiend; or. Torturer of Inno- 
cence." "Mesmer, the Terror- of the Rich," &c. 



The DeTil's Kingdom is in Two Eiltions: 

The Drawing Room Edition is intended for the "Road," 
and requires only four Performers, Two Ladies and Two Gentle- 
men for the full company, to portray eighteen characters. The 
Gorgeous Stage Edition requires an im^mense company and is 
more gorgeous and far grander than the Black Crook, or any 
other spectacular drama of modern date. Each act is complete^ , 
in itself. 4 ,<"^ 

■>^.-.. .,.<«»/ 
PRINTED, BUT NOT PUBLISHED, 

)Jy the Author, Dr. S. M. Landis, at his Medical Institution, 
13 North Eleventh Street, Philadelphia, Pa, 

1875- 



,.i iiiii; 'i ■ > . i 

CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES. 

Age. 

40. Mr. Preacher, bearded face. Modern dress. 
Devil, handsome. Red tights, horns and cape. 

50. Dr. Philosopher, same as Mr. Preacher. 

45. Dr. DrU(;opath, coarse features. Black suit, white cravat, 

30. Rev. Mr. Sainty, no beard. Black, long straight frock 
coat, black pants, vest and white cravat. 

40. Hon. Law Expounder, fierce face. Blue dress coat, brass 
buttons, tight pants, white \est and high hat. 

50. Mr. Editor, fat fine face. Reckless modern black clothes. 

60. Hon. Politician, red nose, portly and saucy. Fine broad- 
cloth shabby, modern style. 

1 8. Mr. Young America, handsome face. Any fancy moder]i 
style, 

17. Mr. Fop, feminine face. Velvet frock coat, highly colored 

vest, gray spotted pants, patent leather shoes and silk 

hat. 
30. Mr. Blue Devil, gloomy, drunken, illiterate, and stupid. 

Plain fine gray suit. 
40. Mr. Lucre Influence, proud face. Black stylish broad 

cloth suit. 
50. Mr. Gaiety, pert, fierce, lively bloat. Ragged ihie clothes 

of fancy color. 
24. Mrs. Superstition, healthy and l)eautiful mother and infant. 

Plain, neat modern dark dress. 

18. Miss Fashionable, beautiful face. Modern fine fashionable 

gaudy outfit. 
36. Miss Prudish, nasty fine, dissipated, red face and homely. 

Neat brown dress, 
45. Mrs. Gossip, homely face. Gaudy modern dress. 
65. Grand Ma Snooks, fat, bloated, ugly red face. Ragged 

dress. 
Four Leadiug Imps, / 1'utrid Aik, green dress aud smoky \viugs. 
Acrobats, gross, ugly ♦ ^"-tht Water, ' muddled wmg>. 

faces. Their uames ou i ^^^^^ *^ood, *' sausages, lobsters, hams, 

their wing.s. (, and pigs on wmgs. 

" ^ Artificial Light, " " smokyjOil lamps ou wings. 

Angels, Imps, Demons, Victims, and People ! 



SPECIAL NOTiCE.— The performers in this play, especially the imps, 
i>eraons and Victims, should all have soft shoes on, to enable them to move 
about without noise. The Leading Imps, Common Imps aud Demons shojild 
be dressed diflferently, making a great distinction in appearance. The 
Demons take entire charge of the Victims, and should have horrid looking 
faces, huge eyes, etc., whilst the Common Imp.s should be of various appear- 
ances, some young, — like bi)ys of ten, twelve and fifteen years, — some very 
old, some lame, others hump-backed, etc., yet each to look like an Imp. The 
Victims are the transformed performers, whose faces remain as when actors 
and actresses, but the Victim's dresses should be plain green suits, tightly 
fitting the bodies of either sex. Each Ballet Girl or Angel should have 
wings ; but the Aerial Angels, who descend, should have the largest wings, 
look the prettiest aud most etherealized. 



TMP96-0C7LAe 



KiUen.t! aoonnling to the act of Congrese, in ihe year 18"i autl 1S75, by SIMON M. LAXDIS, 
M. I), in the Ofticeof the Librarian of'Congress, at Wasliington, D. 0. 



THE DEVIL'S KINGDOM! 



PEOLOGUE. 

SCENE I. — Garden of Eden. Mk. Preacher, and entire 
Company, in neat modern attire. Angels in the clouds. 

SINGING. 

Mr. Preacher. — Friends, we have a delightful time! Here 
all is natural, beautiful and lovable! The great Creator has 
vouchsafed unto us, his innocent children, all the necessaries of 
life, and as long as we continue to obey His laws, we shall retain 
our pristine l:)eauty, health and genuine happiness ; but if we 
become violators of the laws of our natures, we shall fall from 
grace of body and soul ! Therefore, I exhort each one of you 
to remain true and faithful to our inheritance, when our souls 
shall forever sing intuitive praises to Him, who rejoices in the 
acts of the guileless, and who will not permit evil to come into 
our midst. 

Oh the contrary, if you should even doubt in your minds, that 
perpetual peace and joy should al)ide with us, you would instantly 
detect the abnormal spirit — The Evil one would present himself 
in our midst. 

[Several in the Company shout, tchilst pointing to one spot."] 
Company. — Behold, yonder Serpent ! \_All shudder-^ 

Mr. p. — Hearkenj unto me ! you who have first observed 
that tempter, have doubted in your inner souls, hence, have in^^ 
ted Satan to appear before your eyes in the shape of yonder Sei*- 
pent ! and permit me to say, that you are the cause of each one of 
our children beholding his demoniacal form! 

I therefore, pray you, shut your senses against this monster, who 
if he is not summarily cut down, will swallow you all up in victory. 

{Dolorous sounds without, with thunder and lightning. 
Enter Devil and Imps with a rush. Angels disappear. All 
the people fall upon their knees in pitiful and fearful terror. 
Deoil and Imps mit victorious, soul-harrowing sounds, fire and 
brimstone. Tableau.^ 

END OF PROUJGUE. 



4 'V}u-. Df.vil's KrNc.DOM. 

ACT I. 

SCENE l.—Mi7'seri/ of Mrs. Superstition, nursin.r/ Jier In- 
fant. Angels surround her. The Demi and Imps enter. 

Mrs. Superstition. — [Angels surround her.} Oh! what a 
blessed thing it is to have a good husband and a charming baby, 
like you ; my exquisite cherub ! [She pets and fondles infant.} 
O, you are too beautiful, and so healthy, that I could eat you, you 
little angel ! 

[ Enter Devil. E.ut Angels. ] 

Devil. — There she is, as disgustingly natural, as a perfect rose ; 
and that infant is a facsimile of herself! I'll put some of my 
notions into her fickle head. {^Smells air.} Ah ! the air in this 
room is considerably impregnated with foul gases and imps ; 
[Enter four Leading Imps,'] and I'll add fuel to it, and create in 
the vitals of mother and infant, abnormal action — disease ! Ha ! 
ha! ha! [Imps laugh and tumble.} 

Mrs. S. — [In deep thought and solemn look.} Blessed baby, 
if you should take ill, what should I do ? Oh ! I should go wild ! 
You look changed ! [Raising hahy to her face. Imps touch 
baby.} You moan, great heavens, you are sick, and I am alone. 

Devil. — No, my charming Madam, you are not alone, while I 
am about ! [Imps very affectionate to Madam.} Please, most 
wise Madam, hearken unto the voice of comfort ! You possess a 
charmed life ; moreover, shall I remind you that infants require 
changes in their early days ? Yes, there is too much air, — draughts 
of cool air, — in this beautiful nursery, also too much sun light ! 

Jf;.^. S. — What a foolish creature I am to permit my darling to 
be exposed to the elements of air and light ! I will wrap you up 
warmly. [Im2)s assist her to bundle up baby. } So now, precious 
darling, you will be nice and warm ! 

Baby. — [Dnps jnncJi baby, it cries pitifully.} A-a-a-a. 

Devil. — [Rubbing his hands gleefully. Aside.} She takes ; 
the brat cries, not being able to bear such m-uffling, until I pepper 
and pickle it with my panaceas ! [Imps laugh and tumble about 
lively. } Ha ! ha ! ha ! I'll put another flea in her ear ! [ To 
her.} My dear Madam, your infant is sick and you had better 
send for Dr. Drugopath. [Imps wild icithjoy.} 

JHfys. S. — Indeed ! indeed ! my little angel is very sick and I 
must send for the doctor ! [Imps breathe upon baby and rub 
up Madam's back. } Nurse ! John ! George ! Do you hear me ? 
[Angered.} No one about— 

Devil. — Oh ! yes, sweet lady, I am always about, when such 
saints as yourself call. [Imps in diabolical reverence and glee. } 

Mrs. S. — Who are you ? and what can you do for me in my dis- 
tress? I want some one to go for the doctor immediately! 

Devil. — Of course, sweet saint, now don't get into a passion. 
[Imps pinch her and vex her.} I'll send some one quickly. 
Here comes YouHg America, who will serve you I know. [Aside. ] 



The Devil's Kingdom. c 

I'll vex her, until her blood l)oils, and her gall grows biuer and 
corrosive, when cramps and misery of infant and mother will 
follow. 

[Enter Mr. Young America. 7'wo Tmpx surround him.] 

[ To him.'] — Halloo ! my boy ; you are wanted, but let me put you 
on your guard ! 

Young America. — Of course. Sir, I am most assuredly your 
very humble servant — 

JDevil. — Certainly you are, but to business! Do you see that 
beautiful lady over yonder ! 

Y. A. — I do indeed! vShe is perfectly bewitching. Who is 
she, and what has she got in her arms ? 

Devil. — [Nudging him.] A brat of an infant — 
Y. xi. — An infant ! Bah ! is she married ? 

Devil. — That's nothing here nor there, now-a-days ; but if you 
have a fancy to gain her affections, I can arrange things for you 
speedily. 

Y. A. — The devil you can ! 

Devil. — Of course ; but you must do a little common work fnsl. 
r^. A. — Name it, Sir. 

Devil. — Go for Dr. Drugopath, and tell him to come with 
plenty of medicine; [Imps very anxious.] but Ijefore you go, 
tarry here until I say go; and whatever I .say or do, you must 
give assent by saying : Yes Sir, certainly, etc. 
Y. A. — I'll do it, sharp. 

Devil. — [Approaches Madam, who is meditating.] Madam, 
jiermit me to make you acquainted with Mr. Young America. 
[ To 7aw.] That's your name I believe ? [ With a nudge.] 

Y. A. — Ye-e-s Sir, that's it. [Aside.] But look here, old fellow, 
she is entirely too beautiful and modest to trifle — [Imps- tease 
him, hif rubbing up his back, etc.] 

Devil. — Shut up, [Indignantly.] or you'll miss your mark. 
Remember our covenant — 

Y. ^.— All right. [Aside.] Damn him. [Imps fly wildly.] 
Devil. — Good boy, go ahead, you are prospering. [ Y. A. is'very 
angry. Imps vex him.] You do pray eloquently, verily, if you 
had been going to our schools all your life, you could not have 
learned more eloquence than you have just exhibited. 

Y. A. — I wish I could choke the infernal fool — [Dnps kiugh.] 
Devil. — Ha! ha! ha! what are you thinking about ; standing 
so stupidly in the presence of this lady, whose infant is so very 
ill, and desires some one to go for Dr. Drugopath. 

Mrs. 8. — Yes, young man, I would ])e very thankful to you, if 
you would go for the doctor. 

Y. J..— Certainly, I fly — [Imps prevent him.] 
Devil— [Aside.] No you don't, just yet. [ To her.] Madam, 
this youth is a little queer in his head. [ To him.] Aren't you ? 
Y. A. — Yes sir. [Aside.] Curse him ! [Tmy>i pinch him.] 
Devil. — Good, my boy ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! 



6 TiiK Dkvii/s Kr^^GDOM. 

Y. A. — Oh ! you accursed devil ! [Inipx tickle him.] 
Ihiril.—^ust so! T"st so, my l^oy. 

)''. .1. — T won't obey you any longer, you damn — [Tt/ips picU 
liin Judr.l 

Devil. — Go on, go on, you are progressing hugely, 
Y. A. — [Foariiinf/ with rar/e.] I'll go and drown myself — 
[IinpH pull him.'] 

Decil. — By all means do it, hut go for Dr. Drugopath first. 
Won't you ? Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Biiby. — [Lnp.'t pinch baby, it cries.] A-a-a-a ! 

Mrs. S. — -Oh ! goodness, young man ! why do you stand there 

rul)bing your head like an idiot ! Don't you see that my baby is 

very sick ; and haven't you pi'omised me to go for the doctor ? 

Decil. — Yes, madam, but he is so smitten with your charms 

[ Imps fix her. ] that he can't leave you ! [ To him. ] Is this not so ? 

Y. A. — Yes sir. [Aside.] Hell and the devil, but I would like 

to -murder him. [Imps rumple his hair and stick him. loithpins.] 

Devil. — Of course, my sweet boy ! You are becoming an expert ! 

Y. A. — You are the most accursed nuisance that I ever met ! 

[Imps groan and pat him.] 

Devil. — Now, now my boy, you wrong me ! I am only teach- 
ing you what is genteel ; and if you be patient, while I work up 
the charms of our beautiful lady, with the sick babe ! [Imps 
laugh.] Ha! ha! ha! [Nudging him.] You may have your 
own way with her! 

Y. A. — [More indignant.] I would like to cut your throat 
and send you to hell ! [Imps jump and bounce him fiercely.] 

Devil. — Good for you ; that would be sending me to my own 
delightful, cozy home, where I roast such lively fellows as your- 
self, when they are played out in this saintly world. 

Sirs. S. — My heavens! will any one go for the doctor? [Now 
Imps fiy to her and pinch her, she is in a furious rage.] I'd 
give my life to get the doctor quickly. 

Devil. — Most certainly, my 0W7i dear madam, he shall fly; but 
why did you not ask me before, and promise yourself for such ser- 
vices. 
yirs. S. — What do you mean ? [Imps grin and tumble.] 
Devil. — I mean that Young America shall fly for the doctor. 
[ To the boy.] Boy come here ! [ To 1dm aside.] Go instantly for 
Dr. Drugopath, and tell him to come in 3 or 4 hoiu's; mind, 3 or 
4 hours, no hurry. 
[Louder.] Fly, my faithful boy. 

Y. u4. — I'll fly ! [Aside.] The accursed hypocrite and infernal 
torturer. [Imps kick him. Exit Young America.] 

Devil. — Now, my own dear madam, he is gone to bring the doc- 
tor, who will soon cure your charming babe ! 

Mrs. 8. — Do you really think so ? [Imps rub her down smooth- 

Devd. — Certainly, I know so. [Aside.] There's nothing" the 
matter with the brat now, only a little foul air irritates it. ' [To 
her-] You have made a mistake when your infant was born ! 



The Devil's Kingdom. 7 

Mrs- S. — Indeed ! How so ? 

Devil. — Because, you treated it as if it had l^een a coarse, rude 
monster ; infants that are to be prosperous and refined should be 
properly medicated from the first ! There's nothing like Mrs. 
Winslow's Soothing Syrup for little babies! lAside.^ She takes. 
Mrs. S. — Oh ! goodness. [Sighs.'] I have always told my hus- 
band and doctor so, but tliey o1)jected to dosing — ^\^Imj)s are 
amusing tkemseloes. ] 

Devil. — Very absurd ; for what purpose were these things made, 
if not for use ? Why my own dear madam, there is a remedy for 
everything, 

Mrs. S. — Sir, probably so. [Imps vex her. Indigna/a.] Uut 
why do you call me your "own dear madam ;" I am not your 
madam ; much less your "own dear," I'd have you know. 

Devil. — Come, come, my own dear, you are mine ; fully mine, 
and made so by your own free, unsolicited profter ! 

Mi'S. S. — How dare you insult me thus, [ Tmj)S hug her bod)/, 
feet and arms.'] and charge me with such an infamous act ? 

Devil. — Your infant is growing worse, dtm't you see it writhe 
in agony? [Imps innch baby.] See it cries. 
Baby. — A-a-a-a. 

Mrs. /S. — Why don't the doctor come? I see that my darling i>i 
growing worse rapidly — [Imps spread out their wings over 
baby.] 

Devil. — Of course it is, and it was your unjust wrath toward 
me that caused this relapse ! 

Mrs. S. — Do you think so ? [Imps amimrhg themselves.] 
Devil. — I know so; [Pats infant under chin, it instamtly 
grows better.] See, my magnetic hand has charms to heal and 
calm your infant, as well as your own, sweet soul ! 

Mrs. JS. — Sir, I don't know what to make of you, t like you, 
and yet I hate and fear you ! 

Devil. — O, nonsense! I am as harmless and useful as a dose of 
Calomel; and I will do anything for your present comfort and 
relief! 

Mrs. S. — You are a shrewd philosopher and if you should cease 
to call me your " own," I wotild almost love you ! 

Devil. — You do not understand me, I mean, that when you are 
widowed, when your husljand dies ; that is, when you are divorced 
from him — 

Mrs. S. — Monster ! [Imps rub her baek up and pinch her.] 
Why do you talk to me of divorce and death of my beloved 
h usband ? [ Furionsly. ] 

Devil. — Now, now, keep cool, my own dear Madame — 
3Irs. S. — Accursed — [Imps grin.] 
Devil. — Be your baby and yourself. 

Mrs. 8. — [Horror and amazement sit on her eountenaucey 
whilst baby moans a7id Tries.] Fiend! Avaimt. 
Baby. — A-a-a-a. 

Devil.— Go on, l)eautiful damsel ; you are driving huge nails 
into your baby's coffin — 



8 Thk Drvii.'s Kingdom. 

Mi'H. S. — What ! Yes, my child ; O, my darling, you look as if 
you were dying ! limps spread wingH forioard and grin 'with 
glee.'\ Say, can you, fiend or saint, save my child ? [Imps dance.'} 

Devil. — Of course I can, just behold my talismanic powers. 
[Manipulates o-ver infttnt.] Now see for yourself! Am I not to 
be loved or dreaded ? Have me just as you please ; because you 
are mine, and as such I shall govern you ! 

Mrs. 8. — [Aside.'] I am almost scared to death, and that doc- 
tor wont come ! Oh ! I am nearly crazed ! What shall I do, who 
will aid me ? 

Devil. — I will every time. [Aside.] I guess I am shattering 
that creature's nerves, and soon she will be a haggard, flabby wife 
and mother ; when nobody except myself will have her, and J 
wont keep her long. 

J/r.s. *S'. — [Stares like a lunatic, and gets hysterical, cries and, 
laughs alternately.] Oh ! was there ever a more miserable crea- 
ture on earth ? Here I am, with this sick darling, all alone ; my 
husband away from home on business, a good for nothing set of 
servants, who are loafing, and I distressed and worried to distrac- 
tion, without any hope for relief! 

Devil. — My own dear madam, why do you worry, [Imps stand- 
ing back pointing in ith fingers and smiling at devil.] or why do 
you fear me, I am friendly to everybody, who listens to me, and 
by listening they always learn gigantic lessons; and as you have 
seen and felt my power repeatedly, 1 shall leave you and your sick 
baby alone ; and the moment I leave you, your baby will grow 
worse! vShall I go? [Imps kiss their hands and leave her.] 

Mrs. S. — No, no, Oh 1 heaven no, only stay until the the doctor 
arrives — 

Devil. — [Pets her.] There, there, my own sweet love, be calm 
and trust in me, I never go back on my own — 

Mrs. 8. — Thank you ! [ Cries aloud.] 

Devil. — Hark ! I hear Dr. Drugopath ! 

Mrs. 8. — Oh ! many thanks for that ! 

Devil. — Now, I must leave you, the doctor will cure your infant , 
when all will be well ! Farewell ! [Smiling.] 

Mrs. 8. — Good by, noble friend. [Tries to check her sobs.] 

Devil. — My own darling, permit me to steal only one kiss ! 
[Kisses her. Imps smack their lips loudly.] How delightful, 
and nobody is robbed or harmed. Farewell angel, until we meet 
again. [Aside.] Now, for Dr. Drugopath, here he comes ! [Imps 
go quietly back of doctor.] 

[Enter Dr. Drugopath.] 

Devil. — How do you do, my dear Doctor ! You have come just 
in the nick of time. Look yonder at your victims ! 

Dr. Drugopath. — [Looking both confused and haughty.] 
Sir, what do you mean by saying my "victims" ? I am no mur- 
derer — 

Devil. — Ha ! ha ! ha ! Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind, 
who said you were a murderer? 

Dr. D. — You insinuated as much by word and look. 



The Devil's Kinc^dom. 9 

Devil. — Come, come, no nonsense. You know very well, that I 
know you ; and more than all that, are we not mutually interested 
in the miseries and diseases of mankind ? Could you keep the 
wolf from your door if I were idle ; if no diseases existed ? [Imps 
p<(t doctor, who geU affable, rubs huhandii,feeU better.] And is 
it not me and mine that have started your business of dosing and 
drugging? limps amUxe tJiemselres, go to madam, ^x.] Had I 
not led poor Adam and Eve away from Nature's laws, and taught 
them to eat poisonous stuft", you'd have no precious diseases to 
doctor ! Yes, were it not for me, you and all your medical breth- 
ren would be compelled to go to work and earn your food in the 
sv/eat of your lazy brows. But doctor, to business, to business ! 

Dr. D- — Yes, yes, to 1-)usiness ; you are the liravest and most 
industrious of fellows; I'll do as you bid me, now as ever! 

Devil. — Good, good, O, most excellent doctor! See that su- 
perstitious fool of a woman over there ! She has been lamenting 
for you for hours. Her infant is peevish, and I made her believe 
it was dying. She wants the little brat thoroughly medicated ! I 
prepared her for a copious dosing ; morever, I persuaded her to 
muffle the little thing up so thoroughly that it could get no natural 
air, and you know hom that moment, the seeds of disease were 
deeply planted in the delicate textures of our to be life long 
victim ! 

Dr. D. — Truly you are a cunning and efficient devil — 

Devil. — Hut, tut, doctor, [Seriously.] do not libel me in that 
manner. I am a gentleman of ingenuity ! Am I not i* 

Dr. D. — Undoubtedly you are all that, and more to boot ; but 
what do you want me to do, that's special in this case? [Imps 
iratch them sharply.'] 

Devil. — You sly dog, as if you needed tutorage at this late date. 
[Nudging him, both laugh, Imps joining.] 

Dr. D. — I have plenty of all kinds of medicines in my saddle 
bags, [Pointing to them.] and I warrant, I'll be equal to the 
constitution of both infant and mother! Ha! ha! ha! [Imps 
laugh and dance.] 

Devil. — Yes, dear doctor, she greatly believes in our method of 
cure, ha ! ha ! ha ! cure her child with mineral balm, it rots most 
effectually the solid, the bony structures, after which, Nature's 
hold upon that body and mind is trifling ! Bah ! nature is vulgar, 
but art \?> fine ! Oh ! doctor, we are the scientists, who can pluck 
out the rooted sorrow of the nations, and plant within the tablet 
of memory, a lasting monument to the infernal regions. In this 
manner, we succeed in being popular; have plenty of disciples, 
are respected, lauded"and courted as the monarchs of all we survey! 
Be true to your pocket, and you'll be true to me and to yourself! 
Sacrifice truth, nature, principle, man, or anything else, for our 
kingdom ! We never fail in any circle of society when we labor 
slyly and industriously ; and it is unicine to let everybody know 
our little secrets. 

Dr. D. — < >h ! hnl you are a genuine philosopher ! 

Devil. — And doctor, you are a cunning practitioner ; you and I 



lo The Devil's Kincdom. 

know, that our first work is to ruin the vulgar, natural digestive 
organs of infants 1 Yes, this is our key note ! We know the dead- 
ening, embalming and pickling properties of all the medicines 
that are used in the kitchen, drinking saloon, smoking room, par- 
lor and sick room ! We also know, that these delicacies, these 
fashionable condiments, relishes, stimulants, and spirituous bever- 
ages l^elong to o^U' kingdom ! and we know also, that nature, in 
her pristine condition al^hors them ; but what cannot you and I 
perform, when we combine our skill, and enter the nursery? Ha! 
ha ! ha ! Here doctor, we lay our foundation, and this done, the 
balance comes naturally, according to our kingdom's nature ! 
Ha! ha! ha! Our cunning "broad road" nature is popular ! 
\_Nudghng hhii.'] Who cares to be unpopular? Ha! ha! ha! 
[Imps laugJi.] 

Dr. D. — Ha! ha! ha! better out of the world, than out of 
popular favor. 

Devil. — You are a brick ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! I am almost tempted 
to make you my right hand imp — [Imps pat and stroke the 
doctor.'] 

Dr. D. — [Nudging the deoil.] I thought I had already the 
honor of that lofty position ? 

Devil. — Oh ! you have doctor, whilst traversing on terra firma, 
but I had reference to below — [Pointing below. Imps turn 
somersaults, Sfc] 

Dr. D. — [l^huddering.] Oh ! Mr. Devil, you horrify me ; so 
I pray you, permit me to attend to yonder patients. [ Winking.] 

Devil. — AH right, and I'll not l>e far away. Doctor, sometimes 
I may come visibly, and at others invisibly ! Good by. 
[Exit Devil and Imps.] 

Dr. D. — Good morning. 

Baby. — A-a-a-a. 

Mrs. S. — Oh ! doctor, where are you ? 

Dr. D. — Here, dear madam, at your bidding. 

3Irs. S. — Please hasten dear doctor, and prescribe for my long 
neglected cherub. 

Dr. D. — [Draws himself up in a very pompous, loise and dig- 
nified manner, examining baby thorotigJily at great length, baby 
sg milling in distress.] Really, madani, it is a very serious case 
of spotted fever ! 

Mrs. S. — ^Oh ! great father, you do not mean that ? [ Terribly 
excited.] 

Dr. D. — Keep cool, precious lady, I may be able to check the 
virulent disease, if you will observe my advice rigidly. 

Mrs. S. — Of course, I'll do anything — 

Dr. D. — Enough said. [No lo prepares several doses.] Here 
are some powders, to be taken by yourself, every hour. 

Mrs. 8. — Doctor, L am not sick, but my baby — 

Dr. D. — [Aside.] Curse the baby. [^To her.] Madam, who is 
the doctor, you or I ? 

Mm- >S'. — [In a rage.] You forget, that you are speaking to a 
lady ! I want you to give my infant some medicine. 



The Devil's Kingpost. li 

Br. D. — Shall I be held responsible for the result of this meui- 
cation, or do you take the reponsibility ? 

Mrs. S. — Oh ! doctor, please be quick, look my poor baby — 

Br. D. — Here, give it that! ^Handing (( iurnhlerful of 
liquid.'] that -will soothe it for a time. \_Amle.} I hope it will 
kill it. 

[Enter Bevil and Imps.} 

Beinl. — {PaU doctor on sJwulder.'] Doctor, my l>oy, have you 
prescribed already? I notice the madam is very feverish, and 
ready for anything — 

Br. B. — Yes, noble sage, she is a fool, and if it were not for 
the purpose of preparing a subject for me during life, and a victim 
for you at death, I would kill the brat and finish the job at once ! 
limps with a hound surround tlie doctor.} 

Be>:il. — Doctor, doctor, never have such wicked thoughts as 
sending the youngster hence, in his innocence; why, you could not 
commit a greater offence against me and mine; mark that ! 

Br. B. — Ko sir, I shall not do so, but Til shatter his constitu- 
tion for spite to the haughty madam ! [Imps stroke liim gently.'] 

Beoil. — Oh ! for shame, doctor ! You did not quarrel with the 
charming mother? Think of the poor distressed soul — [Ironi- 
i)ally. Imps pinch baby.] 

Baby. — A-a-a-a. 

3Irs. 8. — Doctor, my baby is getting worse! I believe he is 
getting a spasm ! [Imps prick at her and vex her.] 

Bevil — [ Whispers to lady.] Yes, he is, ask for more medicine. 

Mrs. S. — Can't you give him something that is more powerful? 

Br. B. — Here give him that. [A powder.] If that don't ease 
him, you must take this, [Hands her a black drink.] and then 
nurse him — 

Mrs. 8. — His little throat is swollen, he can't swallow — 

Bevil— [ Whispers to her.] He is strangling. [To the doctor.] 
(iive a preparation of Lobelia and Number i6 — or something 
hot — 

Br. B. — As hell ! [Angered, Imps groan with delight andjiy.] 

Bevil — Hut, tut, with your sarcasm ! [Bevil and Imps deligltt- 
ed. Aside.] The brat is on a good way to dissolution, but FU 
stop this Esculapian disciple of mine in his game, before he robs 
me of a useful subject; because, this brat shall become a useful 
member of ^^/te society ; I'll make him a dyspeptic minister of some 
orthodox faith^ who will drum me up thousands of customers ! 
[Rubbing his hands.] These are the best teachers of diabolism ! 
This reckless fool of a doctor, would actually kill the baby, if I 
were not standing by to watch him ; but I'll astonish him ! 

Bahy- — A-a — [Tries to cry but cannot do wore tJian moan.] 

Bevil — [ Whimpers to mother. ] Your ba])y is dying ! [ Imps 
stretch forth their icings and grin.] 

Mrs. S. — Doctor, save my darling, O, save, I pray — 

Br. B. — I have done all I can for him — 

Mrs. 8. — [In agony.] Oh! all ye powers of earth and air, I 
invoke thee, save my child, and I am yours as you please — 



12 The Devil's Kingdom. 

Deoil. — [Speaks before doctor and mother.] Madam, I'll take 
you again at your word; I'll save your darling babe! \_DeinJ 
takes hah}/.'] Hop-de-doodle-do, the baby lost its shoe ! [Mother 
smiles, doctor is horrified, devil smiles, baby coos. Scenes open, 
they move back on the stage. Imps turn somersaidts. Enter a 
few dozen additional imps and demons. The Doctor and Mrs. 
Superstition are transformed into victims. The deril ascends 
to his throne with baby in his arms. The Imp-Dance com- 
mences. The demons take tlie victims in charf/e, and worry 
them, by pinches, knocks, ^'c, treating the doctor the most se- 
verely. The four Leading Imps make terrible leaps and nom- 
ersaults in the air, whilst the others dance, §t. The angels 
descend, ivhen the dance ceases, but the devil holds out the baby 
in an ominous manner. Grand Tableau.] 

ACT II. 

SCENE I. — Dressing room of Miss Fashionable. Devil super- 
intending her toilet. Imps assist. 

Mins Fashionable. — [Impatiently arranging her things.] 
Goodness ! I have nothing fit to wear ! All the ladies, rich and 
poor, can have an abundance ! I am mad enough to curse like a 
man ! [ Tosses her wardrobe about furiously. ] I wish I were a 
man ; then I could always be in the'fashion ! Yes, I could make 
my own money ; and if I could not make it by fair means, I 
would by foul ! Rob a bank, forge a check, or become Presi- 
dent of the United States, or of some other profitable institution! 
"Why the devil wasn't I a man ? 

[Enter Devil and Leading Imps.] 
Devil. — Honey, did you call me ? [Imps tumble and shake 
themselves violently.] At your service in any way. 
Miss F. — What can you do, stupid ? 

Devil. — Do ! I can do any thing you desire me to do ! I can 
provide you with all your imaginary wants, if you are faithful to 
my commands. 

Miss F. — [Looks at him with amazement.] Can you, miser- 
able fool, furnish me with a first-class fashionable wardrobe ? If 
you can, I will do whatever you command. 

Devil- — You shall have it. [Imps reach it forth.] Here it is, 
the very latest style, just invented by myself! Ha! ha! ha! 
[Imps laugh and fly.] How do you like it ? 

Miss F.~[Exaniining it.] Oh! it is superb, and you area 
dear, good fellow ! [She runs up to him and embraces and kiss- 
es him.] 

Deoil. — [Both Imps and Devil astonished. Aside.] She is 
infernally familiar ! But never mind, she'll do for every purpose. 
[To her.] Miss Fashionable you make me blush ! [Imps blush 
and leap.] 

Miss. F. — You don't say so! Ha! ha! ha! A fellow like you 
blush! [Stares into his eyes.] Thax's too i\\\n,[Imps astonished.] 
but I am sure that vou are a devilish good rascal. 



Thf. Devil's Kincdom. , 13 

Demi. — Hut, tut, this to me, to me, who has just furnished you 
with that magnificent wardrobe? [Prefendiihr/ amjer.^ 

Misji F. — iPattifig Mm on the cheek''] Now don't he angry, I 
was only in fun. 

Demi. — [^Aaide.] I don't think so ; the fun is on the other side 
of her blasted pretty mouth ! [^Tojier.] Now, come, let me be 
your dressing maid. [Deoil'tind Impn taking thingn^] 

Mu.^ F. — You are too modest, you might blush again ! [ Look- 
ing quizzically.'] 

Devil. — [Soberly, with finger in corner of hiif mouth.] No. 
sweet lady, I will try not to blush, because I have already taken a 
lesson from you, and I feel quite bold ! {Imps strike a bold atti- 
tu-de. ] 

Miiis F. — Come on then. [Imps and Deinl begin at hair.] 
Fix my hair first. 

Demi. — Certainly. [Fi.x according to style.] 
Miss F. — [Looking in glass.] That's fine! Where did you 
learn your profession ? 

Devil. — Below, my dear. [Points, so do Imps and grin.] 
Miss F. — [Points in imitation and laughs.] Where's that? 
Devil. — It is where we create all the fashions. 
Miss F. — Oh ! take me there, wont you ? 

Devil. — Certainly! [Aside.] You'll go there by the time you 
get through with me. [Imps elated, jump, daJice, ^c] 
Miss F. — Will you take me soon ? » 

Devil. — Yes, but you better get dressed first. Now for your face. 
[I'he Dnps and Devil j^aint and powder her face. Aside.] This 
is the stuff to destroy the natural beauty of the skin ; soon she 
will look as shriveled and dried up as the worst looking imp in 
my kingdom. [Points below. To her.] Oh! how perfectly beau> 
tiful you look ! You will smash all the masculine hearts, and rile 
your fashionable sisters! 

Miss F. — Do you really think so! [Admiring herself in the 
glass. Imps fix and smooth her. ] 

Devil. — Of'course, I know so ; but now come, let's fix your bust. 
[Imps assist.] 

Miss F. — [Removes her dress, devil laces her, ^'c] I want my 
corset very tight. [Imps always iynitate the devil.] 

Devil. — To be sure. [Aside.] I'll screw you up, tighter than a 
wasp, and cut your vitals in two, when you'll soon go where we 
invent fashions. [To her.] How is that for tight ? [Imps have, 
their heads together, loith hands on their knees, and look .^iharp- 
ly at the devil. ] 

Miss F.—[0 asps for breath.] That will do; don't you think 
so? 

Devil. — Not quite; now bear up like a saint. [Gicesa tremen- 
dous pull, she screams, Imps delighted.] 
Miss F. — That's too infernally tight — 

Devil. — Don't swear, sweet angel, but suffer me to finish the 
top ! [Imps and devil peep all around her form, and push cot- 
ton in the top.] 



H ^ T}iE Devil's Kingdom, 

Mli^fi F. — That is hne ! {Admires herself in (jlass.'] Now for 
niv new dr( 



Devil. — Certainly, and bonnet! [Imps put on same. ^, You 
actually look bewitching ! I'd take you to be a millionairess, and 
one of the most refined heiresses of the Royal Family! [Imps 
(idmire lier.'] I must leave you now, to attend to other business ; 
hut I shall see you soon again*! Just you admire yourself slightly 
before you go promenading. May I be favored with a fashion- 
able kiss, before we part? 

Miss F. — Certainly, if you wont spoil my toilet and make-up! 

Devil. — Don't take me for a coarse back-woodsman ! {Kissen 
her, Imps smack their lips.'] Oh ! like honey and molasses. 
[A.nde.] More like brimstone and musk-rats! [To her.'] 
Farewell ! 

Miss F. — \_Bows profoundly.] Aurevoir! {Admires herself. 
Exit Devil and Imps, the latter throw kisses at her and leave 
in somersaults.] 

SCENE U.— Dressing room of Mr. Fop. Enter Mr. Fop^. ' 

Mr. Fop. — I am now nearly seventeen, and I am no more a 
boy who is going to be kept down by the governor, I have won 
some money last night at the club. By jingoes! Those fellows 
dress iinely, and each one of them has a fast horse and a gay lady- 
love ! I'll be damned — 
{Enter Devil tind Leading Imps. Stops and stares at the Devil.] 

Devil. — Mr. Fop, did you call me ? {Imps fiy and are gay.] 

Mr. F. — No Sir ! Who the devil are you ? 

Devil. — You have it — 

Mr. F—HzxQ what ? 

Devil. — That new suit of clothes, which I assisted you to win 
the money for last night, so you would be enabled to l)e equal 
with your gay comrades ! 

Mr. F. — Sir, I do not understand you ! I never saw you before 
in my life ! {Imps stare at Fop amazed.] 

Devil. — But you have felt my influence for many a day ! 

Mr. F. — Felt your influence. {Meditating and deeming this 
im2)ude?ice.] You're a liar. {Imps pat him.] 

Devil. — Base ingrate ! do you forget what trouble I had in 
teaching you to smoke and chew tobacco ! And I had extra work 
to get you to take whiskey, beer and cocktails ? 

Mr. F. — [ Worried, puzzled and angry.] Fool ! who are you; 
you have never been introduced to me,' and I now wish to make 
my toilet — 

Devil. — What — 

Mr. F. — Stupid ass, I wish to dress! {Fairly screams into 
DeviVsear. Imps rub up his back.] 

Deinl.—A]\ Y}<rht, I'll assist you ; lam an expert at that busi- 
ness — 

Mr. F.—'lhe hell you are ? 

Devil. — That's it, you are improving, go on. 

Mr. F— {Aside.] This knave is crazy. [ Opens door. To him.] 



Thk Dkvii.'s Kincdom. 1^ 

Now Sir, do you see that open door ? Get out, or I'll kick you out. 
Devil. — You wouldn't do that to your protector! [Impa .sf/v'/,-/- 
« defeiuive attitmfe.] 

Mr^ F.—^ly protector ! How are you my protector ? 
Devil. — Don't you rememl)er the time you were drunk ? [ Impx 
grin, ^c.-] 

Mr. i^^.— Accursed liar ! 

Devil. — Verily, my dear boy, you can beat me at that little game. 
Shall I publish your little secret vices ? [iDipa poiat om fore- 
finger at, Fop, and rnh the, other oeer //.] 

Mr. F.—l Foppishly. ] Publish any thing you like, fool ! [ Ti,iin< 
amazed.'] 
Devil. — [ Whispers in Mr. Fop's ear-'] Shall I ? 
Mr. jP-— [ Taken down, puts his hand on deviVs mouth,'] No, 
no, for all creation don't tell ! [Imps delighted, tumble and 
amuse themselves,] 

Devil. — I thought not ; but now to business ! Put on your new 
clothes and make your very finest appearance, and if ever you get 
into your "little secret vices" again, call on me as before, and I 
will be there to aid you ! 

Mr. F.—You are after all, the best of fellows, and a most use- 
ful customer. But now I must complete my dressing, [^Fiitishex 
dressing, Lnps assisting ; admij'es himself.] 

Devil. — -You look splendid ; finer than any living son of mine ! 
[A.^ide.] Poor fool ! 

Mr. F. — Ciood day Sir ; I must be oft", having an engagement 
with a charming lass ! 

Devil. — Oh! you rogue. [Nudging him.] Good hy for a 
season. 

Mr. i<^.— Adieu ! [Exit Mr. Fop. Lnps throw kisses after 
him, laugh, §t.] 

Devil. — Ha! ha! ha! [^Ruhhing Ids hands.] I have now edu- 
cated two young fools, who will drudge for my kingdom for life ! 
Miss Fashionable and Mr. Fop ! Oh ! they are a team at 2 40 un 
the plank road to hell, and I am the driver ! Yes, I icill that they 
marry sickly companions, after they quarrel and separate ; but in 
the end I will bring them together again below. [Pointing.] 
They will lead whole communities into fashion and diabolism ; 
moreover, their offspring will inherit the qualities of the parents, 
and thusly I am glorified! I am monarch of earth and air; whi» 
can gainsay my teachings, when my seed is deeply rooted in the 
soil, and where nothing but my industry thrives ! 

Stand aside, old Dame Nature ; your laurels have long since 
been plucked from out their sockets. What fool would be so 
insane at this age of science and progress, [Points downwards.] 
as to teach the laws of nature ? Ha! ha! ha! If any one should 
attempt it, I would immediately set my ministers and serfs to work 
and disgrace him ! [Imps motioning approval and delighted.] 
Let me see, what had I better do next with my young soldiers of 
the broad and popular road ? [Meditate-'i] If I could only come 



i6 Thk Devi]/s Kingdom. 

across some real faithful clergyman; such as they have in Brook- 
lyn, it would save me much trouble — 

[Enter Rev. Mr. Hainty. Impn ru^Ji around him, and spread 
their wings forward, as if baptizing Sainti/. Aside.'\ 

By all that is infernal, there he is ! Even a wish of mine brings 
my disciples into my august presence ! This fellow loves fiMhi/ 
^M6'y'<^ and the women generally ! Ha! ha! ha! [Imps laugh.] 
hut then he is very circumspect in his ministerial harness, and I 
have planted endless demoniacal shrewdness in his composition ! 
r\l speak to him whilst he is in holy meditation ! 

Bee Mr. Saint y. — [Sighs and moans sanclimordoiisly.'] Oh ! 
blessed be this glorious spot ! May the spirit not forsake me — 
[Imps pantotmme, no, no.] 

Decil. — Never Sir, whilst you continue to obey every wish of 
mine ! 

Rev. Mr. S. — You here? [Looking a little confused.] 

Devil. — All right, old fellow ! No one is about ; we are alone, 
so unbosom your soul to your spiritual guide, who has just done 
endless service for the fashionable church. [Imps very affection- 
ate to Sainty.] 

Rev. Mr. S. — Oh ! you naughty devil. [Smiling gaily.] 

Devil. — Please, now don't call me by that harsh name ; espec- 
ially save me that mortification when we meet on the sly ; in public 
you may pour out your invective in even much harsher tones, but 
dear brother ! [Embraces him.] When we meet for mutual im- 
provement, act brotherly and affectionately ! 

Rev. Mr. S. — Noble philosopher, I will, and I have lots of ques- 
tions to ask you ! 

Devil.— [Impatient to hear.] Well, well, go on, and let me 
hear them — 

Rev. Mr. S. — In the first place then, I must say, you have been 
so much amongst my congregation, [Imps pantomime, as if say- 
ing, note listen to that.] that they wont hear nor believe a word 
I preach, unless I seem sad and downcast, and you know that such 
deportment is very severe on a man's constitution — [Imps con- 
founded.] 

Devil.-— Curse the constitution ! [Imps strike tableau.] 

Rev. Mr. .S.— W^hat? [Amazed.] 

Devil- — Beg ten million pardons, I meant the constitution of 
your church, which is entirely too natural and simple for the age 
in which we move ! 

Rev. Mr. S. — Well, I don't know ; simplicity is a very beauti- 
ful thing — 

Devil. — For fools and grannies ! [Angry. Imps frozen.] If you 
wish to be unpopular and poor as job's turkey, preach up your sim- 
plicity ! [Turning up his nose. Imps do likewise.] 

Rev. Mr. S. — Please don't be so sarcastic, you wound my feel- 
ings. I will do anything that makes me most popular and beloved 
by my people ! [Imps stroke, smooth and pet Sainty.] 

Devil. — [Nudging him.] Especially among the petticoat people. 
Hah ! you simple dog ! [Imps hug each other affectionately.] 



The Devil's Kingdom. 



17 



Hev. Mr. S. — {l^miling in a pleaHed nianucr.'] Don't, Oh ! 
<lon't ! 

Devil. — How is your aiiii-theatre l^rother ! [Imps sad, sancti- 
fied. ] 

Rev. Mr. IS. — Finely, like all are, m'Iio preach to please your 
majesty. 

Devil. — Oh! thanks! [Botes politely.'] You flatter me ! 

Bev. Mr. S. — No Sir, indeed I don't ! for what would I have 
i)een without your aid ? [It/tps motion assent.'] 

Devil. — Do you v/ish to kill me with your compliments? 

Bev. 3Ir. S. — Certainly not! But may I ask another question ? 

Devil. — Of course, thousands ! 

Bev. Mr. S. — I would like to preach what I practice, it would 
he much pleasanter. 

Devit- — Nonsense, infamous nonsense ! You'd be a ruined man 
in douljle cpiick ! The only manner by which a modern preacher can 
become popular is to preach rubbish, look wise, seem sad, act sanc- 
timonious and love the sisters ! [Imps very affectionate and live- 
ly.] You sly ras.al, know this as well as myself; why then do 
you propose a change ? 

Be:o. Mr. S. — Oh ! yes, [ With a sigh.] I know it, but I would 
rather not act the hypocrite any longer — 

Devil. — Indeed, you'd like to leave my service, and become 
honest ! For shame ! [Imps hiss Sainty.] Now brother Sainty, if 
you continue to waver in this style, I shall be compelled to expose 
you, and then you can starve, l)e friendless and forsaken ! You had 
better stick to me and wear the sanctimonious livery ! Yes, look 
here come two of our disciples, who must be kept in total ignor- 
ance of our secret covenant. What say you ? 

Bev. Mr. S. — Certainly so, I am yours most truly as ever. [Impn 
motion assent.] 

SCENE 3. — Drawing Boom. Enter Miss Fashionable and Mr. 

Fop, arm in arm. Devil and Mr. tSainty together, then Imps 

follow. The Imps amuse themselves back on stage. 

Mr. Fop. — My darling, you look charming to day; only you 
were deuced snappish when I said sweet things to you ! 

Miss Fashionable. — It's a base falsehood, you are only jealous 
of Mr. Sainty ! 

Devil. — [Nudging Bev. Mr. S. Aside.] Do you hear that ? 

Bev. Mr. S. — No, what was it? 

Devil. — Goto goto; [Nudging him.] you heard it well enough 
lie knows that Miss Fashional)le is in love with you ! 

Mr. F. — Jealous of that old stick; ha ! ha ! ha ! He is an old 
hypocritical fool — 

Devil. — [Aside.] That's a fine specimen of yourself. 

Bev. Mr. S. — The accursed ingrate ! This is what v» e poor 
preachers get for our labors to educate young scoundrels ! [Angry.] 

Miss F. — You might thank your guardian angel, if you were one 
half as good, great and pure as our dear pastor. 

Bev. Mr. iS. — Ah! did you hear that? 



1 8 The Devil's Kingdom. 

Devil. — Yes, and you heard that too; didn't you? [Nudging.'\ 
Haven't I told you the petticoat people love you? 

Ret). Mr- 8. — Oh I be serious for once I pray, and let us make 
ourselves known to them, because I am afraid — 

Devil. — They may expose some of your little secret affairs ! Ha ! 
ha ! ha ! come on then, I'll present you to them ! 
Rev. Mr. >S'.— Thanks ! 

\^Advances to the Lovers, ivlio are in an angry mood, walking 
up and down the stage followed hy Imps, loho tease them.'] 

Devil. — My dear young friends, allow me to present Rev. Mr. 
Sainty to you ; but I suppose you know him almost as well as I 
do. \^ Aside to Sainty, with nudge.'] Not quite, you rogue. 

Rev. Mr. 8. — {^Kicks slyly at the Devil, but bows in a very 
.'Sanctified manner to the lovers.] , 

Mr. F. and Miss F. — [Speaking at once.] Oh ! certainly, he is 
our beloved pastor. 

Devil. — [Aside.] Just see how you are honored ! If you were 
'not very serious and dignified, they would become too familiar and 
you know familiarity always breeds contempt — 

Rev. Mr. 8. — Shut up ! They'll hear you ! 

Devil. — Have no fea,rs, coward. I understand my business too 
well to injure it ! [Speaks to Lovers.] Say, you cooing lovers, are 
you not rather gay ? 

Rev. Mr. 8. — Yes, I fear that your conversion has not fully 
[ Very sanctimonious.] turned you away from the gaieties and 
frivolities of this sinful world, and — [Stops and stares. Imps 
smile at him. ] 

Devil. — [I'o lovers. Aside.] He heard what you said about him 
when you were having that tine little quarrel, a few minutes since. 
You'll catch thunder, but never mind, I'll back you up. [Imps 
.nirround their backs, ^x.] 

Lovers. — [S2)eak at once.] Thanks, O! many thanks, noble 
devil ! 

Rev. Mr. 8. — I was going to say — [Devil and Imps cough in 
his ear.] 

DeviL—Hic, hie, hiccough ! Go for them, or they will lose re- 
spect for you ; put the Eleventh Commandment at them ! Go it. 
[Devil and Imps push him on.] 

Rev. Mr. 8. — Go to thunder. [Angry. Speaks now to lover a 
again.] Well, children, you will be at church together next Sab- 
bath I hope ! Don't forget to pray ! [Imps imitate Sainty, then 
grin.] 

Devil. — [Aside.] Til bake your hash for you, you old viper. 
[ 1^0 Mr. Fop he whispers.] Come, let us take a walk, I have some- 
thing to tell you ! 

Mr. F. — Mr. Sainty, pardon me, if I leave Miss Fashionable to 
your care, I have some important business to attend to ! Good by 
darling. [Kisses her and bows himself out.] 

Devil. — [ Whispers to Mr. Sainty.] I'll keep him away; now 
you'll have a chance to make a little love slyly, you dog ! [Nud- 
ging him. ] Au revoir. 



The Devil's Kingdom. 



.19 



[Exit Devil, TmpH and Mr. Foi-t.'\ 

Bev. Mr. S. — Now, my sweet girl we are alone, thanks to good 
fortune ! 

il/'/.s'.s' F. — Yes, my dear pastor, I am delighted to spend a few 
hours in your precious society. 

Bev. Mr. S. — I hope you do not love that fool of a Fop ! Don't 
you ever marry him, but remain single ! I will comfort you and be- 
come your ^'genuine" lover ! * 

Mis» F. — Oh ! Mr. Sainty, you are a married man, and a min- 
ister, moreover I cannot see how a man of your dignity and rev- 
erence could love a giddy, fashionable creature like myself, and 
you know you always preach against the foolish fashions ! 

Bev. Mr. S. — [Arfinc/ amorous.] But darling! [Kneel!^ before 
her.] You must know also, that we ministers are awfully natural 
men, and we are compelled to preach one thing, whilst we cannot 
help but practice another! For instance, I cannot help loving you ! 
[Bmbracea and kissen her.] I swear, that I will be true to you, as 
long as I live, if you will cast oft" that little contemptible Fop !. 
iShe quietly assents.] 

[Enter Devil, Imps and Mr. Fop.] 

Devil. — See there Mr. Fop ! That's ministermg to the sister ! 
[Nudging him, Imps rub Fop'sbackup and smile; Fop foams 
and wants to run straight at the sly lovers, but Devil and Imps 
hold him.] 

Mr. F. — Flell and the devil, I'll murder them both! [Pulls to 
go, they still hold him.] 

Devil. — Nonsense, you ingrate. Have a care how you threaten 
to destroy my best and most practical disciples ! You have often 
done the same thing — [Imps smile and point at Fop.] 

Mr. F. — Let me go, I'll kill the sanctimonious scoundrel ! See, 
he kisses her again — 

Devil. — And she responds with a gusto! Ha! ha! ha! [Imps 
laugh, §-c.] 

Mr. F. — And you infernal fool, enjoy my misery. Let me loose — 

Devil. — Wait a little longer, and you may see more ! [Aside.] 
I will have him as hot [Imps tickle Fop's ears, ^c] as my fur- 
nace number one, before I let him loose upon the Saintly hero ! 

Bev. Mr. /S'.— This is delightful, don't you think so, angel ? 

Miss F. — It is indeed ! 

j/y.. ^, — Curse them both ! [ Writhing witJi anger, Imps pat 
him all over.] 

Devil. — That's it, my boy, curse them as much as you like, the 
more the better, but don't kill them. Ha! ha! ha! [Imps laugh.] 

Mr. F. — Yes, I'll murder them both ! 

Devil. — They seem to enjoy it at your expense ! [Lets him go.] 

Mr. F.—[Runs up to them, tears her away from Mr. Sainfy, 
who is yet in an humble, suppliant position, and grasps him, 
vigorously by tlie head and throat, choking him.] Now you ac- 
cursed viper, die ! [Imps protect Sainty and fret Fop. Miss 
Fa sJiionable faints and falls into DeviVs arms, who kisses her, 
smiles and points at Messrs. Fop and Sainty. Scenes open 



20 • The Devil's Kingdom. 

iplicre Common Imps dance, and where Bemonn torture Victims^ 
Leading Lnps manipulate performen^. Miss Fashionable and 
Mr- Fop are transformed into Victims, when Demons take thenh 
and Rei). Mr. Sainty rises and lifts Ms hands headenward^ ^ 
when Anf/els enter, then a fight ensues between leading Imps 
and Angels for Sainty. The clothes fall half from Sainty, in 
transformation, hut the seizure by the Angels causes his clothci^ 
to go on him again ; thus, the Angels are victorious; Devil 
and his minions disappear, when additional hosts of Angels 
enter, and a grand dance takes place ; Rev. Mr. Sainty now 
being embraced, guarded and petted by the angelic host. Finally, 
very suddenly, the Devil and his Leading Imps rush in. Demons 
and Common Imps follow, and grasp Sainty; instantly his 
clothes fall from him, he is transformed into a Victim ; the 
Angels fly and scream, when the sounds of hell, darkness. Sec. 
create a most imposing Tableau.'] 

ACT III. 

SCENE I. — Drawing Room of TMiss Prudish, wJio is a nasty 

fine, and someiohat dissipated, homely creature. 

MiifS Prudish. — I hate coarse people! Yes, I detest the Misii! 
Tones' and the Miss Williams'; they are deuced vulgar ! Why, [Goes'^ 
to table, takes a large drink of liquor.'] they can talk of legs and 
busts in the presence of the coarser sex without blushing. Yes, 
they also drink wine and beer in company with men ! Bah ! it is 
as much as I can do \^More liquor.] to take my nips in private! 
I have often wondered how most people can be so shiftless ! vSatan 
himself would blush — \_Stares.] 

[Enter Devil and Leading Imps.] 

Devil. — At your bidding — [Imps all bow profoundly, then 
jump.] 

Miss p. — Great Mars ! Who are you, and what do you want ? 
{Motioning him away.] 

Demi. — I want to warn you against low vulgar people ; like the 
Jones' and Williams', do you see, I am your guardian angel ? 
[Imps spread out their wings.] 

Miss p. — Oh ! thank you, you verily are a wise gentleman ! 

Deoil. — [Goes to liquor.] Have a drink? 

Miss. P. — Ha ! ha ! Certainly with you I will ! 

Devil — [Aside.] I thought so. [To her.] You are i?^^ lady 
out often thousand ! [Imps pat her.] 

3Iiss P. — [Aside.] I am delighted to have met with a conge- 
nial soul at last. Ha ! ha ! [To him.] Do you really think so^^ 

Deinl. — Oh ! Yes ! [Puts his arm around her waist, and looks 
lovingly into her eyes. Imps hug each other-] 

Miss P. — [Mock modestly.] Don't, O, don't, you bring my vir- 
tuous maiden blushes to my delicate cheeks. [Imps tear their 
mouths wide open with amazement.] 

Devil. — [Aside.] Devil the bit, old hag. [Both smile. To her.] 
That wont do any harm, we are alone ! 



The Devil's Kingdom. 2t 

M(xs P' — I feel so much at home with you, that I don't mhid 
anything you may do. 

Demi. — [Aside.} Thunder, she seems to be more than a match 
for myself. [SmileH and ki^fies her. To her.'] Darling, you do 
me reverence ! [Spits.'] 

Miss p. — I suppose it is my extremely refined nature, that caus- 
es you to admire me so much ? [Acts self satisfied.] 

Deril.— lBu.mhfonrided, Imps like/m'se.] Certainly. [Aside.] 
The disgusting witch, I'd like to send her below, but she is too 
useful to knock the filthy breath out of her for yet a while ! I'll 
just see what she is able to do ! She puzzles me ! 

Miss p. — [Ta7i.es a no flier huge drink of liquor.] Good ftn- 
my stomach. [Puts hand on it. Imps rub her stomach.] 

Devil. — [Aside.] I be hanged, if I ever educated her. Can 
there be another monarch of a similar kingdom to mine about ? 
[ To her.] Yes dear, that must be good for your stomach ! [Aside.] 
The way her breath smells, I should think any filth would benefit 
her stomach ! I actually feel nauseous ! [ Gags^ Imps shake their 
heads as if sick.] 

3fiss p. — 'My darling what shall we do next, or where shall we 
go? 

Devil. — [Angry. Aside.] Go into the natural air and ventilate 
your foul breath, there is no danger of being cured of it, you are 
too gigantically rotten. Bah! [To her.] Yes, my sugar lump. 
[Bah.] You'd better go visiting! [Imps tumble and amuse them- 
selves. ] 

Miss p. — Will you accompany me ! [Meditates for a time.] 
Devil. — [Blushiri.g.] No, I thank you! I have other business 
that I must attend tc ! [Aside.] The ugly fool, I wish I had the 
expounding of the law, hang me, if I wouldn't imprison for life, 
each prudish fool like her ! Ha! ha! ha! here comes the Hon. 
Law Expounder. 

[Enter Hon. Law Expounder.] ^ 

How are you, my most cute brother? [Imps surround and rv<h 
Mm uj) wards.] 

Hon. Law Expounder. — [Waving him off with his hand.] 
Don't be so familiar ; lama legal gentleman, [Holds up his 
green bag, with law books.] don't you see that? 

Devil. — Yes, I see that is infernally green, like yourself — 
Hon. L. E. — S'death, do you take me for an idiot or fool ? 
Devil. — No Sir, I know you too well for that ; you are far more 
knave than idiot or fool ! 

Hon. L. E.— 'Curse you, I'll have you indicted for slander ! 
[Foaming 7nad. Imps pinch him.] 

Devil. — Say, old crooked stick ; you are a genuine benefactor 
to your race ! 

Hon. L. E—[SmittemDith a part of this remark.] Whai 
say you ? 

Devil. — You are a most useful member of society. What would 
I do, or Miss Prudish yonder, if no Law Expounders existed ! You 
can twist and turn things to suit any purpose ; and what is still 



22 The Devil's Kingdom. 

better, you lie and steal and continue respectable, which is a migh- 
ty auxilliary to my kingdom! 

Hon. L. E. — [Plen.Hed, mad and pibzzled.'\ Who in thunder 
are you, that knows all about me and my customs ? 

Devil. — I am both your humble servant, and body guard! Many 
a horse whipping have I saved you from getting! 

Hon. L. E. — You must be the devil — {^Irnps act. yes.'] 

Devil. — That's it, but you might use a more polished term to 
express my capacities. 

Hon. L. E. — Truly, you are a capacious loafer, and if I were a 
pugilist, I'd give you an infernal drubbing for your impudence and 
arrogance — {Imps point at devil and grin.] 

Devil. — Stop, stop, old forger, you are too great a coward to even 
mean that, because I would have you indicted, tried, convicted 
and hung for manslaughter — I Imps fly about.] 

Hon. L. E. — Damn you ! If I were only young again, how T 
would trim you knave o?i—\_Iinps dap their hands and smile.] 

Devil. — That's it; I am your brother ! 

Hon. L. ^\— Accursed villain ! [ Wrothy.] You are my broth- 
er ! Choke me to death, if I wouldn't like to see you in hell. 
\_Imps lauc/h and point.] 

Devil. — Ha ! ha! ha! Brother, will you go with me now? I 
am on my way there. Come, come, [Pats on shoulder.] don't 
be angry, dear brother knave ! You shall be fully gratified in your 
legal whimsicalities ! 

Hon. L. E. — [Coughs and nearly chokes with rage-] It is too 
bad for me to allow my angry passions to get the better of me; 
because it makes me always very ill ! 

Devil. — [Eondles and coaxes him.] There, there, be calm and 
collected, I was only jesting. [Imps rub the Laic Expounder 
down, ^c] But will you take a drink with me and makeup? 
\_Goes to Miss P's liquor.] 

Hon. L. E. — Thanks, thanks. [Drinks freely.] 

Miss P. — [Meditates aloud.] I wish I could have an interview 
with some legal gentleman ! I am not quite sure whether it is 
lawful to manufacture ones own liquor ! 

Devil.— [To Hon. L. E.] Listen to that! 

Hon. L. E. — Listen to what ! 

Devil. — Didn't you hear Miss Prudish call for a legal gentleman? 

Hon. L. E. — No Sir, did she say so ? 

Devil. — Of course she did; and she is rich, but very prudish ! 

Hon. L. E. — Indeed ! O, please sir, introduce and recommend 
me to her. If you will do it, I'll be yours in any way you please. 

Devil. — I will do it; but you are mine already; all the lawyers 
belong to me ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! [Imps laugh and embrace each 
other.] 

Hon. L. E. — I don't care, only so that I can make a good fee. 

Devil. — Come on then. [Pass to where she is cogitating. 
To her.] My dear, permit me to introduce to you one of my 
right hand gentlemen. A most Honorable Law Expounder; he 
is a perfect expert, who can be relied upon! [Imps boio lowly.] 



The Devil's Kingdom. 23 

Mi%S p. — I am very happy to make the gentleman's acquain- 
tance ! 

Hon. L. E. — Thanks, noble lady, I shall be happy to serve you 
faithfully. 

Devil. — \^Adde.'\ Look out, she is a perfect prude — 

Hon. L. E- — Why the devil didn't you say so at first ? 

Miss p. — I hope gentlemen, that you v^' ill pardon my dishabille, 
I have not been at all well lately ; and my appearance is rather 
reckless, but — [^Imps irick and pull at her.} 

Hon. L. E. — No buts, Madam ! 

Miss p. — Sir, I'd have you know, that I am no madam ! My 
name is Miss Prudish, I am none of your vulgar creatures — 

Devil. — \_Aside to her.'] Go for the coarse fool. These lawyers 
think they are the lords of the infernal kingdom ! 

Miss p. — I'll settle his bacon, as I do all the coarser sex ! 
Brute! \_Looks mad.'] 

Devil. — [Aside to Hon. L. E.] Talk to her, and ask for your 
fee. 

Hon. L. E. — Certainly, if you will leave me alone with her, I 
think I can do better. 

Devil.— {Von had better invite her to take a walk in the garden, 
she is so re^fined, and all such nice (?) people love gardens. [Aside.] 
Eden for instance, where I made a muss. [Imps active.] 

Hon. L. E. — Come, come. Miss Prudish, you have misunder- 
stood me ! I know that you are a most refined lady ! Moreover, 
your tastes are of the exquisite order ! I entirely agree with you, 
and I hope you will appreciate my opinion of you, when you learn 
my sincere motives for your happiness. I am a Law Expounder, 
and if you'd take a stroll with me through the garden, I could 
convince you of what I say. [Aside.] The accursed ugly wench ! 
[Imps turn up their noses in disgust.] 

Miss p. — Vou are a perfect gentleman, and I am with you heart 
and soul! Let's walk into my superb garden ! [They hoio and 
compliment each other out. Imps throw kisses after them, Sfc] 

Devil. — [Sighs.] Oh! what a relief, to get rid of that she 
devil ! [ Imps stretch themselves in relief. ] They are a couple of 
firie birds to nestle amongst the bushes in yonder garden ! [Shakes 
his head ominously.] Now for other business ! I must wake up 
my slumbering disciples who have been stupified by toddy and 
tobacco pipes ! Pla ! ha! ha! Here comes Mr. Blue Devil, with 
mug and pipe ! 

[Enter Mr. Blue Devil] 

Mr. Blue Devil. — [Mi^g andpipe in one hand, nearly sober.] 
Great Jupiter ! I feel devilish blue. I wish I had a drop ; [Raises 
his mug.] where the devil can I get some cure-all. 

Devil. — [Sitting on corner of Miss P's table.] Here, old 
blue bird ! 

Mr. B. D. — [Goes to it.] Think of the devil and his cure-all, 
and sure as hell, he is about with his panaceas ! [Drinks.] Here 
is to his majesty's good health, may he live long — 

Devil. — [Touches him roughly.] Of course he will — 



24 The Devil's Kingdom. 

Mr. B. D. — [jScared to death, drops on his knee>< and sliakes, 
like a leaf an he beholds the Devil.'] Oh ! O, ye gods, where am 
I? 

Devil. — Safely with me ! [L/ips grin at him fiercely.'] 

Mr. B. D. — iFeels, jrinches and hite>^ himself.] Am I awake 
and in hell, and is that the Devil and his Imps'? Or, am I only 
dreaming? Oh ! but I feel blue and scared. But he looks friend- 
ly. [Devtl smiles.] I wonder if another drop would not cure all 
tliis confusion. [ Crawls to table, with eye on Devil, and drinks 
again.] 

Devil. — You are drunk ! Dead drunk, you beast — 

Mr. B. D.—Yon lie ! [Staggers. ] 

Devil. — No wretch, I sit. 

Mr. B. D. — Beg pardon ! So you do. Are you the Devil ? 
llic, hie. 

Devil- — No Sir, I am a gentleman. 

Mr. B. D. — The devil you are. 

Devil. — Cease calling me by that name, or I'll skin you. 

J/r. 5. i).— Skin me ! iStrikes at the Devil.] Will you ? 
Take that. [Misses him and falls on floor.] Have you enough ? 

J)eoil. — [Aside.] Drunkenness, when not carried too far, is a 
blessing, but this loafer gets so dead and beastly drunk, that he 
disgusts all decent drinkers! I will pick a quarrel with him, 
after he is sobered, and then he'll challenge me to a duel, when I 
will kill him, and send him safely home — [Points beloic Imps 
sit around Blue Devil. Mr. B. D. lies dead drunk a short 
time. Re-enter Miss Prudish and lion. Law Expounder lov- 
ingly.] 

lion. L. E. — Well, my precious one, it is lawful now-a-days to 
do anything that is popular ! We lawyers claim to know who is a 
nuisance in genteel society — 

Devil. — [Aside.] That's my kind ! 

Hon. L. E. — And we never convict one of our own ! 

Devil. — [Aside.] No Sir, not while I am about. 

Hon. L. E. — If it happens that a brother or sister, — yourself 
for instance — 

Miss p. — Yes, dear ! [IStares at him.] 

Hon. L. E. — Should be detected in violating the law, — for in- 
stance like manufacturing ones own liquor, like you do, — we 
would not be able to find the witnesses, because a few dollars, you 
know, silences almost any of our people ! 

Devil— [Aside.] I bet! 

Hon. L. E. — Moreover, we Law Expounders, who are in good 
standing at headquarters — 

Devil. — [Aside.] That's my kingdom ! 

Hon. L. E. — Have endless technicalities worked into all the 
laws, which our own legislators inserted for the benefit of our 
friends. 

JJeoil. — [Aside-] Certainly, it must be a poor gentleman who 

does not care for his own ! My ties are always secure ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Miss p. — My dear, but should some of those coarse, low fellows — 



The Devil's Kingdom. 25 

like the Jones' 01* Williams' — commit an offence, could you con- 
vict them, whether they had money or not? 

Hon. L. E. — \_ Hesitating, rubbing his Jiead.] We-11 — 

Devil. — [Aside.] Say yes, if she, or some one else had more 
money to give ! 

Hon. L. E- — Well yes, that is, provided my precious love, the 
prosecutor had more money to spend than the Jones' or Williams'. 

Miss p. — It is money then, that makes law ? 

Hon. L. E- — J List so, just so, my dear ; you have it. 

Devil. — [^ Aside to Miss P.] Yes, and with money you can 
convict any one, whether he commits an offence or not. 

Miss p. — Then with money you lawyers can convict any one, 
whether he is guilty or not ? 

Hon. L. E. — We-11 yes, but I do not like the manner in which 
you express it ; it does not sound refined ! But it reminds me too 
much of the Jones' and Williams'. 

Miss p. — True, true. 

Devil. — \^ Aside to Miss P.] Yes, truer than preaching ! 

Miss P. — My love; [^Shocked and stares at Mr. Blue Devil, 
who awakes from his dead drunk.} who is that beastly looking 
fellow ? 

Devil. — \_Aside to Miss P.] He is a useless fool, whom you 
should remove from your refined apartment ! 

3Iiss p. — Please put him out, [Hon. L. E. scared.} My dear ! 
[ Goes to him. ] 

Mr. B. D. — [Bises up, sits on corner of table, drinks her 
liquor.'] Ah ! this cure all steadies my hand [^Hhakes.] and head; 
and now I am ready for a row. \_Starn'ps and slashes around.} 
Who wants to fight ? limps urge him on, then are delighted.} 

Hon. L. E. — My dear, I am no coward, [Backs behind her.} 
but I detest coarse, drunken roughs — 

Mr. B. D. — [Dashes at them.} Say, old thief, who are you; 
by jingo, you have got a fine red nosed wench there ! [Makes for 
MiHS P.] 

Miss P. — [Screams.} Murder! take him away, dear Ex- 
pounder. 

Mr. B. D- — I will, by gosh ! [Grasps Hon. L- E. and jerks 
him around cehemently.} What do you want me to do with the 
thief and forger ? 

Hon. L. E. — [Aside.} Save me, ye protecting powers! 

Devil. — Certainly! [Imps Jiing Mr. B. D. atrag.} Scoundrel, 
what do you mean ? 

Mr. B. D. — [Sobered now.} Curse you ! [Goes uj) to him.} 
I'll have satisfaction, satisfaction! [Imps push him on and 
wink. } 

Devil. — As you please, fool ! What will you have, swords or 
pistols ? 

Mr- B. D. — 'Swords of course ! 

Devil.— Ail right! [Imps produce them.} Here they are, take 
your choice ! 



26 The Devil's Kingdom. 

Mr- B- D- — [Aftide-I Curse him, I thought he was a coward ! 
Oh ! ye gods, but I feel blue, but I must fight him ! 

Devil. — Come on, drunken knave ! limps watch closely. They 
fight, Hon. L. E. and Miss P. are scared to death, run im,io 
^corners and tremble. Imps smile, Devil falls, and Mr. B. D. 
runs ?iim through tico or three times, Devil preterods death for 
a time.'] 

Hon. L. E. — {Finding the danger over, says to B. D.] Sir, 
you have murdered him, and you'll be hung, I am a I>aw Ex- 
pounder, hence know what I say. Miss Prudish and myself are 
witnesses against you. 

Mr. B. D. — ^Laments.] Oh ! will my troubles never end ? My 
O, my ; but I feel blue ! Why did I kill the devil anyhow — 

Devil. — {Aside.] Fool, you didn't kill him quite yet. {Kicks.] 

Hon. L. E. — [Examines Devil's heart, lyronounces him de- 
funct.] He is gone! 

Miss p. — [ Uplifted hands.] Oh ! O, is the noble fellow dead I 
\_Cries.] 

Mr. B. D. — {Doicncast in silence a moment.] Sir, did you say 
that you were a Lawyer ! {Imps ^notion, yes, yes.] 

Hon. L. E. — Yes Sir, of eminence, I flatter myself. {Pom- 
pously.] 

Miss p. — Indeed he is, and you'd better fee and consult him 
right here. 

Mr. B. D. — Fine lady, will you loan me the money ? 

Miss p. — I'll see. {Consults with her lover aside.] My dear, 
what can we do with this uncouth ruffian ? He thinks he has killed 
yonder cute brother ! 

Hon. L. E.—ll^\ ha! ha! That's rich! Let's try him. I 
will propose to make you the Court, and he may defend himself, 
whilst I'll be prosecuting attorney, when you'll see my style of 
oratory and legal acumen ! 

Miss p. — Good, good ; we can at any rate rid ourselves of this 
beast ! {Imps jump, ^c, in great glee.] 

Hon. L. E. — {Addresses B. D.] Sir, my friend and myself 
being the only witnesses against you, have concluded that, if you 
will be tried by us for your crime ; she to be the Judge — The 
Court, — I to be prosecuting attorney, and you defend yourself, we 
will not appear against you in any other manner, but you must 
abide by the decision of this Court. 

Mr. B. D. — [ Very blue, sighs.] Well, it is the best I can do, 
proceed ! {She takes seat at table, and Hon. L. E. opens.] 

Hon. L. E. — May it please your honor ; this prisoner at the 
bar is guilty of premeditated, cold-blooded murder of our brother, 
yonder ; and I hope that your most excellent honor will make a 
terrible example of this drunken beast ! I invoke all the powers 
of our beloved kingdom, {Imps go close and open their icings.] 
that your mind, your honor, may be so impressed, thsCt you will 
sentence him to swing by his nasty neck in less than twenty five 
minutes! I've done. {Imps motion up.] 

Devil. — {Pulls the Court's dress. Aside to Court.] You decide 



The Devil's KmoDOM. 27 

that the first living person that appears on this spot, shall fight 
with him another duel v/ith these swords, and the result of that 
shall clear the winner. 

Court.— [Axide.] All right. 

AfV' B- D. — May it please your excellency to have mercy on a 
poor, misguided, drunken, blue devil, and may your honor have 
a motherly feeling for a wretch like myself. Don't hang me in 
my sin ! I wish to repent. llnipH hiugh boifsterousli/ and shake 
themselves viole?itli/. ] 

Devil. — iPuUs her again. Aside.] Don't you change your 
ideas, and let the fool repent, anything but that, you know. 

Mr. B. D. — I have nothing more to ask, but I wish my mamma 
could see me before I die ! [ Weejys aloud.'] 

Court. — Shut up, you wicked wretch ! It is the decision of the 
Court to sentence you to fight the first living person that appears 
on this spot. 

Devil. — Now then, is my time to get up ! \_I nips hand them 
the swords.] I am that man, come on ! [ Thei/ fight, Demi kills 
him. Looers strike an attitude of satisfaction, back of duelists. 
/Scenes open, exposing infernal regions, where Common Imps 
carouse. Demons torture Victims. The Lovers, Law Expounder 
and Miss Prudish are transformed into Victims and are taken 
by the Demons. Lnmense groans from all hands go forth, at 
which moment the dead Blue Devil is transformed, and taken 
by the four Jjeading Imps and carried back on the stage and 
dropped into a fame of fire striking up through the floor. 
Shouts and groans, from Victims and Imps, fill the air icith 
horror I Devil is on his elevated throne smiling. Imps with 
uplifted hands seem gay, Sfc. Tableau.} 

ACT IV. 

SCENE I.— Private apartment of Mrs. Gossip, where she 
receives her friends. She is a neat, tidy saird^very versatile and 
sanctimonious. 

Note.— This act is omitted in the Gorgeous Spectacular Edition. 

Mrs. Gossip. — If there is one class of people more despicable 
than another, it is gossippers. But I do detest such low lived 
sinners ! My dear Alphonse, when he lived, always told me to 
attend to my own affairs, and let other people do the same! Yes, 
yes, what a beautiful world this would be, if long tongued women 
were banished from decent society ! But Satan must have his 
followers — 

[Enter Devil and Leading Imps.] 

Devil- — Certainly, Madam; at your service ! 

Mrs. O. — [Scared and screams.] A-a-a-a. 

Devil. — It is only me, you need not scream ! I can tell you of 
some horrible things — [Imps tear their eyes widely open.] 

3Irs. G. — [ Wide agape.] You don't say so, what is it ? 

Devil.— [Gasping for breath.] Please give me a little time, 
when I will tell you all about it — 



zS The Devil's Kingdom, 

Mrs. G. — Well, hurry up, I am dying to know. 

Devil. — I'll tell you, but you know — ■ 

Mrsi. G. — No, I don't know, but why don't you speak out 
quickly? [All impatience.^ You anger me dreadfully, by hesita- 
ting so long. \^Im/p8 vex her. ] 

Devil — [Tdntalizingly .'] My dear Mrs. Gossip, you don't par- 
ticularly care to know anything about your neighbors over the 
way. 

Mr^. G. — l^Aside.'] Accursed be his tongue for agitating me in 
this manner — 

Devil. — [Aside.'] I'll agitate you worse yet, before I take you 
below. [Pointing.'] You old she-devil ! Ha! ha! ha! [Impx 
laibgli and act impatient.] 

Mrs. G. — Why don't you hurry, and tell me, what about our 
neighbors ? 

Devil.^l will! [Hesitates.] 

Mrs. G. — Well, well, go on quickly ! [Stamps her foot mth 
rage and impatience.] 

Devil. — -Certainly, I'll go on, but give me time to collect my 
senses — 

Mrs. G. — -Fool, you annoy me ; why don't you tell me the hor- 
rible news ? You are as provoking as the devil himself. [Impx 
fiy, tumble, §'^.] 

Devil. — By hokey! now I'll tell you; but first let me say, 
that you are an exemplary woman, who always attends to her own 
business ! 

Mrs. G. — Do you want me to go raving mad ? 

i)6'^1^7.— No indeed; because, if you became a raving maniac, 
you could not understand what I am going to tell you ! 

Mrs. G. — Why in thunder, don't you tell me then ; keeping me 
in such suspense. [Imps twist and hon.nce her.] 

Devil. — I'll be telling you ; only have patience until I frame 
my speech — 

Mrs. G. — Accursed be your speech ! 

Devil. — [Aside.] Good, good, she is improving, I'll give her a 
diploma very soon for diabolism ! [Imps in great glee. To her.] 
Say, sweet virgin, you put me so much in mind of a near relative 
of mine, that I have fallen in love with you. 

Mrs. G. — [Stamps her feet and bites her lips; furious.] You 
are as provoking as the devil ! Why don't you tell me, what hap- 
pened our neighbors ? [ImpK point at Devil and grin, ^^c] 

Devil. — Happened your neighbors ! I did not say that anything 
happened your neighbors; moreover, if anything Jtad happened ; 
you, who never attend to other people's affairs, would not care to 
know about it. 

Mrs. G. — [Aside-] He is the most provoking scoundrel that I 
ever met in all my life. [ To him.] Are you going to tell me those 
"horrible things" you spoke about ? 

Devil. — Oh ! yes, I thought you had forgotten all about it, in 
your tame mood to please and entertain me ! 



The Devil's Kingdom. 29 

Mr8> 0. — -Please and entertain you! You must be a disappoint- 
ed fool ! What interest could I take in the likes of you ? 

Devil. — Great Mars! {^Look)^ at himfielf^] I thought you ad- 
mired and well nigh worshipped me ! But it only goes to show, 
how some weak-minded creatures can deceive themselves — 

Mrs. O. — Certainly, you are a most weak minded fool, or you 
could relate what happened — [Imps f/reatly delighted.'] 

Devil. — iPats her on the head.] Oh ! well, well, well, my 
honey, be patient, I will tell you — • 

Mr.^. O. — {^More impatient than ever, stamps.] Well, well, 
fool ; how many wells does it take to make a river ! But will you 
go on ? 

Devil. — -Of course I will, but you make me answer so many new 
questions, that I cannot finish my own story — 

Mrs. Q. — Curse — 

Devil. — 'Stop, stop ! [Puts his hand on her mouth.] don't 
swear. You want to know — 

Mrs. 6r.— ^Yes, yes, certainly — 

Devil. — -i5ow many wells it takes to make a river — - 

Mrs. G. — [Foams.] O, Oh ! was patient woman ever so tor- 
tured ? Was patient woman ever so tantalized ? 

Devil. — Hut, tut, you are mistaken ! I would not annoy you, 
nor irritate your chaste, quiet nerves — 

Mrs. G. — But you do irritate my nerves. [Raves. Imps 
pincli and tickle her.] 

Devil— [Coolly.] Bo 17 \Well~ 

Mrs. G. — Accursed be your wells— 

Devil. — Oh ! I see, you want to know, how many wells it takes 
to make a river! [Hesitates coolly, whilst she looks daggers at 
Mm.] Well, it only takes one, if it is big enough — -[Tnij^s shake 
and grin.] 

Mrs. G. — May I cease to live, if I wouldn't like to choke you 
for not telling me about those "horrible things" that happened ! 

Devil. — "Horrible things" ! Just so, but I am not a competent 
person to teach "horrible things," it takes a newspaper Editor to 
do that. 

[Enter Mr. Editor.] 
[Aside.] By my own sweet self, here comes the very man ! [ To 
him.] How are you Mr. Editor ? [Imps jump and amuse theni' 
selves.] 

Mr. Editor. — I am quite salubrious, how is yourself, and have 
you any news "? 

• 2)g;,27._News ! deuced the bit ; but here is Mrs. Gossip, who 
has been spoiling' to meet you; allow me to introduce you two 
saints of our kingdom ! [Points below.] Mrs. Gossip, this is Mr. 
Editor, who can manufacture plenty of "horrible things" for yo.u 
in double quick ! 

3Irs. G. — Happy indeed, to meet him ! 

Jf;'. JiJ, — Endless thanks, and permit me to return the compli- 
ment ! 

Devil. — [A.side.] At last I have succeeded in bringing two of 



30 The Devil's Kingdom. 

the most prosperous and acutely industrious souls together that ever 
labored for my kingdom, [Bnps surround Mrs. G. and Mr.E.~\ 

Mrs. G. — My dear sir, what is there new on the tapis, although 
I despise gossippers, it is proper to learn what goes on in the news- 
]iaper line ? 

Mr. E. — Oh ! certainly, you are perfectly correct, and I admire 
your good taste. 

Devil. — Ha! ha! ha ! \^Aside.'] When I get my disciples past 
a certain degree of education, I have no more trouble to havetheni 
continue their avocation with energy and fidelity. Both these 
fools, [Pointi7ig to them.} are graduates at my Universities ! They 
can manufacture more columns of news in an hour, than all my 
Imps combined could do in a year. [Imps nod assent.} In sooth 
I am no wheres when they are about, as any one can see when I 
am gone. [E.rit Devil and Imps.} 

Mrs. G. — Did yoii hear the news about Mr. Lucre Influence ? 

Mr. E. — No, my dear Madam, I did not, what is it? 

Mrs. G. — Is it possible! [Delighted, rubbing her hands.} and 
an Editor too, and did not hear the vile and dastardly conduct of 
that contemptible old miser ? 

Mr. E. — [Astonished. Aside.} The old gossipper. [7'(9 Aer.] 
Please, do tell what it is ? I'll make a note of it, and will publish 
it in the "Hornet." 

Mrs. G. — [Lively.} I will, and O, do publish it — 

Mr. E. — Of course I will, but tell me first — 

Mrs. G. — Certainly ; so get your pen and paper, and take it 
down! [Delighted.} Well, Mr. Lucre Influence, you know is 
very rich, very mean and influential amongst the upper crust ! 
[ Turning up her nose.} Well, let me tell you ; he was down at 
Rev. Mr. Sainty's the other day to a festival, and Miss Fashionable 
and Miss Prudish were invited guests; and of course, every body 
knows that these chaste young damsels are fishing to catch the old 
miser ; whilst he is very fond of their society, he does not mean 
to be caught by them ; Init, when Mr. Sainty put his oar into the 
puddle, the young ladies l^lushed, but Mr. Sainty said in great 
earnestness : Mr. Lucre Influence, I learn that you have proposed 
marriage to Miss Fashionable. At this charge, old Lucre flew 
into a rage and struck the Rev. [Laughs hugely.} Mr. Sainty a 
terrilile blow in his face, knocking all his beautiful teeth down 
Ids throat — 

Mr. E. — You don't say so — 

Mrs. G. — Yes I do say so ; and more than this ; when Mr. Sainty 
had recovered from the shock, Mr. Lucre and Miss Prudish — 
that refined virgin — [ Turning up her nose, aitd speaking very 
fast.} joined in a conspiracy, to mob Miss Fashionable, who is 
the particular love, on the sly, of Rev. Mr. Samty — 

Mr. E. — Why, Mr. Sainty is a married man, with a family. ; 

Mrs. G. — Bah ! what diflerence does that make with the upper 
ten, [Sneers.} whether they are single or married. 

Mr. E. — Where did you learn all this? And is this all ? 



The Devil's Kingdom. 3L 

Mrs. Q. — Ha ! ha ! ha ! Learn it ! why every body knows it, 
but I have not told you one half of it — ■ * 

Mr. E. — •Please tell me the balance — 

Mrs. G. — [Oaily and JuqjpUp-] Certainly, certainly, I will. 
Now listen, but don't blush, my dear fellow. \_Nadging Mm 
familiarly. '\ 

Mr. E> — \^Aside.'] She is a stunner, be-gad ! 
■ Mrs. G. — Well, Mr. Lucre Lifluence and Miss Prudish, tore 
every bit of clothing oft" Miss Fashionable's back, until she was as 
thread bare as a newly born baby! [Laughing with delight.] 
Ha ! ha ! ha ! This so shocked the holy Rev. Mr. Sainty that he 
fainted, or pretended to do so ; [Disgust.'] when a general fight 
took place among the sisters and brothers, who were present on 
this festive [Delighted.] occasion ! They all seemed to make for 
Mr. Influence and Miss Prudish, but the old miser struck every 
one to the floor, with his loaded cane, who came near him; and 
at this stage of the proceedings, the police entered the apartment, 
but upon discovering the man of influence, they did not attempt to 
arrest him, although he was still knockmg down dozens of the 
guests ! 

Mr. E. — Was anyone injured ? 

Mrs. G. — Ha ! ha ! ha ! Yes, I should think there was ! 
Bloody noses and broken bones plenty, but our respectable miser 
came out victorious, as millionaires always do. 

Mr. E. — I will comment on this little affair, and give this old 
scoundrel a few extra blows. Don't you think I better bedaub 
him a little with printer's ink ? 

Mrs. G- — Yes, of course, picture him as a vile scoundrel and 
base seducer of innocent lasses ; which is the holy truth ; because, 
he has ruined hundreds of innocent young ladies, who were fools 
enough to believe that he would marry them, or pay liberally, if 
they would threaten to '<peach" on him; but he has never done 
either ! He is a first-class rake and villain ! 

Mr. E. — Are you willing to swear to the above, should I lie 
called upon to produce my author ! 

Mrs. G. — Swear to it ; certainly, and to a thousand additional 
things — 

Mr. E. — AH right, I must now leave you, and attend to this 
little business — 

[lie-Enter Devil and Imps tumbling.] 

Devil. — Halloo ! Children, are you prospering and happy ? 

Mrs. G. — Assuredly we are ! Aren't we, Mr. Editor? 

Mr. E. — I'll bet. But farewell for the present; if I don't horri- 
fy them, then there is no devil ! 

[Exit Mr. Editor.] 

Devil. — There, [Pointing to Editor.] there is the boy that can 
tell you plenty of "horrible things." 

Mrs. G. — Pie is a perfect saint. [Imps pat and stroke her 
doivn.] 

Devil. — Of course he is. [Aside.] Pie is a lying Imp, who has 
no more regard for truth or principle than this lovely Mrs. Gossip 



32 The Devil's KiNGDOAf. 

has. Ha !, ha ! ha ! {Imps laugJi.} They are graduates of mine 
who do not require my aid any longer. {l)eUglited.'\ 

M)'S. 0. — Look, there comes Mr. Lucre Influence ; I must leave 
you, because I do not wish to meet him just now ! Adieu. 
[Exit Mrs. Gossip.'] 

Devil. — Good by, Sweety ! [He and Imps kiss tlieir liaraU 
to her.] She is deep enough in my science, to call my subjects to 
the front without any act or wush of mine ! This is a charming busi- 
ness ! I have it easy, and now I ain honored every w^here ! But 
had I failed to educate that precious babe of Mrs. Superstition, I 
would be a poor, friendless and unpopular gentleman ! 

{Enter Mr. Lucre Influence.] 
[ To him.] How are you, my most worthy and honored disciple I 
{Aside.] Money, money, is the root of all evil ! Yes, yes, I will 
it so, and it works smoothly all over the world ! It is my Alpha 
and Omega ! My everything ! 

Mr. Lucre Influence. — I am very well, and I have made several 
grand successes ! Have shaved many of the honest laborers, and 
when my notes against them come due, I'll take good care to make 
them pay up. If they fail, I'll sell them out, and, {Nudging 
Deoil.] then they may steal and murder! {Imps tickle each 
other, ^c] 

Devil. — Hut, tut, you wicked man; you would not do that? 
Would you ? {Smiles.] 

Mr. L. I. — Oh ! no, of course not. Ha ! ha ! 

Devil. — Mr. Lucre Influence, I see by this morning's "Hornet," 
that you have been at your old work again of loving the girls. 
{Nudging him.] You sly dog! {Imps dig Lucre Influence in 
the ribs. ] 

Mr. L. I — {Astonished, angry.] The devil, you did ! Well, 
was it anything pleasant or otherwise? 

Devil. — Oh! very pleasant to me! {Imps motion assent.] 

Mr. L. I — Pleasant to you ! Hah ! Then it must be damned un- 
pleasant to me ! Curse that Mr. Editor ! 

Devil. — That's it, curse him, because, he and Mrs. Gossip are to 
blame for it all — 

Mr. L. I. — For it all ! {Amazed.] Is it then so bad? 

Devil. — No, no, it is good ; but you may not fancy it. He 
brands you as a rake and — {Imps pinclt L. I. in the legs.] 

Mr. L. I. — And what ? {In a furious rage.] 

Devil. — You'll do, I'd better go now ! Look there, they are com- 
ing. Come, brother and let us hide from such wicked creatures, 
{lie and Imps nudge him.] whobeslime the chastity and virtue 
of such pure and holy gentlemen as yourself. Ha ! ha ! 

Mr. L. I— {In a perfect rage.] Curse, curse everything. 
{Imps spread their wings over him and laugh.] 

Demi. — Just so, just so ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

SCENE II. Library. {Enter Mr. Editor and Mrs. Gossip.] 
■ Mrs. G. — Say, my dear Mr. Editor, that article of yours in the 
"Hornet," must have stung Mr. Lucre Influence, as well as the 



The Devil's KiNr,D(m. ^i 

proud Miss Fashionable, and that fool, Miss Prudish, to the quick. 
You are a philosopher, because the way you argue matters, who 
can doubt what you say ; any way, most of the ]>eople believe any- 
thing that appears in the newspapers ! But, iLooking quizzlmlly 
in liu face.] we who manufacture things, know better! Don't 
we? [Both laugh.] Ha! ha! ha! 

Mr. E. — I warrant we do! But what do you think Mr. lAicre 
Influence will do, when he spies those philosophic lines of mine? 
Ha ! ha! ha! iPlemed.] 

Mrs. G. — Will do ? Rave and threaten to cane you ! but he is 
afraid of your pen, or he'd cowhide or cane yon, sure as fate. 
You'd better carry a little bull dog! 

T^f^, E.— {Pulls his revolver from his pants' pocket, back.] 
Oh! I do. 

Mrs. G- — Good enough ! 

[Enter Mr. Lucre Influence.] 
Mr. L. I. — [Suddenly upon Mr. E'., grasps him by the neck, 
and prevents him. from pulling his pistol ai first.] Now, ac- 
cursed scribe and libeller, take that! [Cowhides him awfully.] 

Mrs. G. -[Scared to imenubility.] Oh! O, ye powers of 
protection aid — 

[Enter Devil and Imps with a rush.] 
Bevil— [Holds her in his arms, ichilst she faints. Imps fan 
her, smile, §'c.] My sweet sugar lump looks charming, when 
scared a little by the boy's play spells ! [To him-] Lay on, Mr. 
Lucre Influence ! [Imps lay her on thefl.oor, and go to the aid of 
Mr. Editor, who is now down, whilst Mr. L. Influence whipM 
him until he is exhausted.] 

Mr. E. — Mercy, mercy ! Oh ! help, help ! 
Mr. L. /.—I'll help you ! [ Chokes him to stop his screaming.] 
Bevil.— [Imps go up behind, and assist Editor to get his pis- 
tol ; he draws and fires, kills L. I. Mrs. G. is aroused by pistol 
report.] Oh! Mada'm, I hope you feel better — 

Mrs. G. — What are they doing? [Pointing to pugilists.] 
Mr. E. — [After first shot fires again and again,] Die, dog ! 
Bevil. — They are only playing ! 
[Lucre Infi.uence in his dying agony rises and makes for Mrs- 
Gossip, she screams, Bevil takes her in his arms, Imps take 
L. I. away. He drops. Editor rises victoriously. Impf 
raise him into their arms. Tableau.] 

ACT V. 

SCENE l.~Bar Room of a fashionable Brinking Saloon! 
All half (frunk. ^ Kept by Grand.Ma Snooks. 
Hon. Politician.— [Red nose, portly and .s^mcy.] Friends, 
hie, hie, we are the experienced statesmen of this progressive age! 

ifr. Gaiety.— [A pert lively fool.] V-e-s, I be darned, if we 
ain't! Ain't we Grand-Ma Snooks? 



34 The Devil's Kingdom. 

Grand-Ma Snookn. — You are a drunken fool, shut up your 
mouth, hie ! hie ! hie I or I'll murder you ! 

Mr. G. — You will, [ GtMif her a hloio in the face loitli hU fist. ] 
will you, take that, old hag ! 

: Hon. P. — [Rises and staggers.} I rise to a point of order ! Hie, 
hie, hie. I say, let's all have a drink! Hurrah ! hurrah ! 

3/r. G.—Of eourse we will ! [Goes totteriiig to Bar.} Come 
on Granny. [Both drink.} 

G. M. S. — [Groans.} Go to the devil with your drink ! 
[Enter Devil, Imps and Derno7is.} 

Devil. — [Aside.} Well, well, this is a beautiful speetacle. Ha ! 
ha ! ha ! [Invps and Demons laugh; The Demons grab for the 
performers, hut Lnps keep them hack.} These saints were once 
the elite of the town where nabobs and aristocrats lived and ruled. 
But truly, to what base uses may we come at last, might be appli- 
cable in some circles of society, but with us it does not hold good ; 
we are a very zealous people, and we stick closely together, which 
is seen by taking a peep at my old disciples yonder. They are 
getting to be a disgrace; because, they act too disgustingly stupid 
to have many followers ; but then, they are nearly played out ; and 
although their example is not patterned after much by myself, still 
I love to see them make preparation to come home ! Home ! sweet, 
sweet home ; there's no place like home ! I'll not permit them to 
go abroad much, when they get so nearly ready for my furnaces. 
Cremation is now becoming popular, even on this crooked earth, 
but no one can compete with me ! [Speaks now to Grand-Ma 
Snooks.} Halloo! Granny Snooks ! How is biz? Sell plenty of 
fire-water? [Demons grab for Granny, Imps oppose it.} 

G. M. S. — What is't your business, how it is ! Hain't you had 
enough service from me, you old serpent ? 

Devil. — What ? Call me, me an old sei-pent ? Slander, Slander, 
you old sinner ! 

Hon. p. — [Aicakesfrorn stupor.} Who are you calling an 
"old sinner ?" I rise to a point of order [Staggers.} Hie, hie! 
Say, old cloven foot, [Looking at Devil and Imps. Demons 
again make for ?iim, Imps jU'eventthem.} who in he-11 are you ? 
Are you a me-m-ber of, hic, Congress ? Or are you a Judge ? hie, 
or are you a thief? 

Mr. G. — [Awakes.} He is a thief, hic, I saw him steal Gran- 
ny's whisky. [Demons likewise go for him, §'c.] 

G. M. S. — You lie — [Imps laugh and tumble around 
Demons.} 

Mr. G. — If I wasn't a gay gentleman, [Staggers pertly.} I be 
damned I'd mash your nose, you old devil ! 

Devil. — Did you speak to me ? [Goes up to4iim.} 

Mr. G. — Go to hell, hic, you impudent hound ! Who are you ? 
lam Mr. Gaiety ! [Gaily. Imps stare at G. holding Demons 
hack. ] 

Devil. — Indeed, you look very gay ! [Aside.} I'll have some 
fun with these fools, before I send them home! I'll make them 



The Devil's Kingdom. 35 

l:)elieve that I am a genuine thief! [To Oranny SnookH.'\ Say, 
may I have the use of your house for a fortnight ? 

G. M. S. — No Sir, you are a thief ! 

Beiril.' — Ha! ha! ha! [L/ips and Be/nom l/iUf/Jt.] Of course, 
I am a genuine thief! I don't only steal trash, l:)ut I rob such fools 
as you of your good name — 

3fr. G. — \_Ridn(j gaily, totte I'll u/ (I rid going for the Dcuil.], 
You are a h-o-ld scoundrel to own up be-fore gentleman, like us, 
hie, hie ! What do you say, Hon. Politician, and deitr Granny 
Snooks? Hie! hie! hie! hah! [Looks at Devil and Tmp.'^, who 
grin at hin.] 

Hon. P. — Say, say! [Goes near Devil.'] Why, I say, that I 
rise to a point of order — [Imps laugh and protect him from 
Demons.] 

G. M. S. — [Rises tip and staggers.] I say that you are all 
drunk, and ought to be hung for molesting a decent lady like my- 
self, hie, hie. — [F^dls on floor. Demons make a terrible effort 
to take her, but the Imps act vigorously in her defence, and 
drive Demons back.] 

Devil. — Well, ladies and honorable gentlemen, I wish you to 
know that I propose to rol^ you to-night of that which is most pre- 
cious to you all — 

Mr. G. — [Goes and gobbles up Granny\'< whisky bottles.] 
He's g-o-ing to steal, hie, dear Granny's whisky — [Imps and 
Demons tumble, ^c] 

Hon. P. — [Pompous.] Put him out, gentlemen, hie. 

Devil. — [Buns behind bar, upsets bottles, Sfc-] Now look out 
for your property. 

lion. p. — [Tottering.] I rise to a point of order; hie, I say, 
let's put that damn thief out. [Pointing to Devil.] 

[Explanation. — They run after the Devil; the Leading Imps 
trip them up; enter Common Imps; the performers tumble over 
each other, and hammer each other, for the thief; at last Mr. 
Gaiety gets Grand-Ma, Snooks' head under his arm, thinking 
it is the Devil, when he pounds her head and face ferociously. 
Common Imps assist Leading Imps to keep the Demons from 
taking the performers, §v%] 

Mr. G. — Now, you old thief, I have got you ; take this. 

Devil. — [Appears before Gaiety's eyes when lie ix e.rhauMed.] 
Say, old gay fool, why do you strike that poor ohl hag in that 
manner? [Aside.] Ha! ha! ha! This is not the only pummeling 
that the wrong person's got! 

Mr. G. — [Thunder struck; stares and exainines his victim.] 
My great heavens ! Granny is that you ? Ha ! ha ! ha ! P)egad I 
tliought it was that devil of a thief there. [Pointing to Devil.] 

Hon. p. — [Rises from, the floor where he fell in the scuffle.] 
I rise to a point of order! [titares at devil, who laughs, then ex- 
amines Granny, who bleed><, and icho is nearly dead.] That 
thief [Points to devil.] nearly killed our noble, hie, hostess. Let's 
murder him ! 



36 The Devil's Kingdom. 

Mr. G. — [Ooes to bar, sees whiski/.] Let's have a drink l)oys, 
and be merry — 

Hon. p. — I rise to that point of order ! Come on old thief, and 
take a drop. 

Demi. — No, I thank you, I never drink ! {Imps and Demoihn 
look on with glaring eyes and without moving a muscle-^ 

Mr. G. — Say, your honor, that fellow is a tem-p-e-r-ance, hie, ha ! 
ha I Old thief, are you a tem-p-erance [Drinks and speaks into 
C7ip.'] man? Ha! ha! [Strangles.'] 

Don. p. — [Aside to Mr. Gaiety.] Say, boss, bedad, he is 
drunk. [Meaning the Devil.] Don't you see how he .spins 
around? 

3fr. G. — [Looks with eyes nearly shut.] So he does ! [Points 
to Granny who lies like dead, on the floor.] Look, old Granny 
has joined him. Let'sdrink all her whisky for that. [Both drink.] 

Hon. p. — I rise [CanU rise, tries.] to a point, a point, point 
of order — 

Devil. — Prepare, each of you to meet your doom ! Sleep oil' 
your drunken debauch, and then open your eyes in purgatory num- 
ber one ! [Hxit Devil. Leading and Common Lnps have great 
trouble to get Demons to leave the performers mul exit. Gents 
fall down dead drunk.] 

G. M. S. — [Awakes, feels badly bruised.] My, Oh ! my good- 
ness, but I am infernally sore! [Looks around, fails to see any 
one.] The boys have surely gone to catch that thief! He was a 
bold fellow! I admired him for his bravery! Ha! ha! ha! 
[Feels pain in jaws from laughing.] Oh ! O, my jaws ! I am 
faint. I must have some pure stimulus ! [Crawls back of her 
bar, gets an extra bottle, laughs.] ILa ! ha! that thief did not 
find this! Oh ! my jaws ! [Drinks and looks around and spies 
dead drunk gents.] Great Jupiter ! Ha! ha! Look there, [Points.] 
there are our great statesmen ; our law makers, and our gay old 
rakes; all as drunk on my rot-gut as the devil ! 

[Pe-Enter Devil and Leading Lnps.] 

Devil. — Thank you, old hag, I do not get drunk, I'd have you 
know — 

G. M. 8. — [Scared greatly.] What? [Sees Lnps and knows 
the Devil now.] Great powers of earth, shield me from these 
Demons — 

Devil. — Ha! ha! ha! [Lnps all join in a ferocious laugh.] 
You are a pretty specimen to ask to be shielded from our happy 
family. You who have dealt out the stuff of damnation to thou- 
sands. [Pointing to drunken gents on the floor.] Look there — 

G. M. S. — [Screams vehemently.] A-a-a-a. 

Devil. — They are your subjects, and you are my victim. [Imps 
tumble, ^c] 

G. M. S. — [Drinks freely.] Now, I guess I can steady my 
nervous imaginings — 

Devil. — That's the stuff to prepare for number one, [Pointi' 
below.] get ready to go. 

(t. M. S. — [leeh bold again.] To go where, old cloven foot? 



Thk Devil's Kingdom. 57 

DecU.—To hell. [Poi7its below, Imps point and grin. ] 
O. M. S. — "What, send me to hell ? That's a pretty piece of busi- 
ness, to talk about honest industrious people like me, going to hell, 
when I have been wearing out my body and soul to please such gen- 
tlemen as your law makers, your nabobs, your millionaires, your 
gay rakes, your fast ladies and your professors who have dropped in 
here to escape the gaze of the fastidious populace, who however, 
nearly all in their turn liave given me encouragement by their pa- 
tronage and smiles ! Yes, I have always been rigidly honest, in all 
my dealings. 

JJevil. — You were the bigger fool for that — [Imps point at 
Granny.] 

Q^ 3/. S, — Please Sir, if you are a gentleman, which you seem 
to be from external apjiearances, let me finish. 

Dedil. — {Looks at himself.'] Oh ! of course I am. limps point 
at devil and sniilc] 

Q. M. S. — I was going to say ; you nice refined (?) people, en- 
courage moderate tijipling, smoking and gormandizing in your 
fashionable temples of elite society, thereby you create an insatiate 
appetite for rum of the worst brands, and after your subjects, look, 
like myself, are perfect slaves to depraved appetites, you cast 
them out of your so-called good society, and for aught you care 
[Becomes eloquent.] they may starve, or go to hell, where you asked 
me to go ! Yes, and what can, or what shall such creatures do for 
a living, but to beconre double slaves ! Slaves to appetite, and 
slaves to those who have money to buy the vile stuff? [Imps act, 
as if to say : she is a brick.] 

I)eiHl.-^[Aside.] By my own stars, she is a trump ; I'll elevate 
her to the position of an imp ! Ha! ha! ha! [To her.] Bravely 
spoken like a heroine ! Go on Granny Snooks, I love to hear good 
rhetoric from one of my disciples ! 
G. M. /S'.— Thank you ! 
Devil. — You are perfectly welcome ! 

G. M. 8. — Can you blame honest, hard working people, like 
myself, for making a living ? Would it not be much worse had I 
robbed and cheated everybody, like your lazy politicians and pro- 
fessional men, and more lazy females do, who pretend to loathe 
my honest business, as much as you seemed to do, but who do not 
hesitate to commit numerous domestic crimes, with which you 
must be familiar, as you are the all-wise philosopher of the age ! 
[Dedil and Imps applaud and grin.] In conclusion, allow me 
to appeal to your generosity, by stating, that I did the best I could 
from infancy to the present day, and can you or any one else expect 
anything more from a saint ? 

DcihI. — Spoken like a modern preacher! You, my most pre- 
cious madam, have truly said that you did the best you could from 
infancy, I agree with you in that ! Ha! ha! ha! [Imps laugh.]^ 
I was there myself, with my faithful disciples — "Putrid Air;" 
^'Filthy Water ;" "Gross Food ;" "Artificial Light," [Each Imp 
boics and spreads his wings as he is referred to by the Devil, all 
laugh with him.] and many others. Ha! ha! ha! 



3^ The Devil's Kingdom. 

G. M. 8- — \Stares with amazement and drinks.l Why do you 
laugh so sarcastically ? 

Devil. — To think how well you reason ! What a powerful tal- 
ent for logic you possess ! Had you not l)een made a dyspeptic, 
when a brat of an infant, you might now plead your cause with 
torture and despair to myself and faithful disciples ; but we have 
been far more industrious than yourself to prevent you from star- 
vation ! Had it not been for us, you would not have had any 
Politicians, Nabobs, Millionaires, Gay Rakes, Fast Ladies nor 
Professors to patronize you ! 

G. M. 8. — [Desponding, drinks again.'l Oh! Fiend! Fiend! 

Devil. — Come, come, he decent in your remarks to me, and 
permit me to fmish. I did not stop you from completing your 
philosophical speech ! {^Sarcastically.'] 

G. M. S. — Go on, old beelzebub. limps point at him and 
smile.] 

Devil. — Shame ! for shame unto you, to abuse your life long, 
best friend, who has made and provided you v/ith the best of cus- 
tomers! Look yonder, once more, at your subjects — 

G. M. S. — Accursed — [Drifiks.] 

Devil. — That's you, go on ; you are in the right tone of mind ; 
your honest business, has taught you what is good for humanity, 
and what is good for humanity, is good for you ; and according to 
your deeds, not according to your words, must the science of 
earth and air reward you ! 

G. M. 8. — I have not been the cause of my own creation ! 
[Drinks more.'} 

Devil. — But you have encouraged others, even thousands of my 
innocent old cronies, [Points to gents on floor.] who had not 
even money, to drink and carouse, thereby you have fully earned 
a place in my little furnace, [Points below.] where fat fish fry 
easily! Ha ! ha ! ha ! [Imps laugh boisterously, Sfc] 

G. M. 8. — [Drinks.] Oh ! let me drown my sorrows, and once 
more forget myself. 

Devil. — Of course, drink on, but when you awake, you will be 
summoned from whence no sinner returns ! 

[Granny falls to the floor dead drunk. Scenes open. Th^ 
Devil now invites all his Imps, Sfc, to appear. The three per- 
formers on the floor are transformed by the Demons and by 
them taken in charge. Leading Imps make terrible leaps. 

GRAND INFERNAL DANCE. 

The Devil ascends to his throne. The dance goes on, getting 
more and more lively, whilst infernal apparatus, scenery, Sfc, 
are continually added, and appropriate changes take place, 
until the Devil rises on his throne and Descends.] 

Devil. — Awake ! awake, all ye Imps ! Awake all ye Demons ! 
[The actions of all his serfs are increased.] Awake! Arouse, 
all ye Victims ! and may you all drink the just reward of your meri- 
torious lives ! I say. Awake ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! ha ! [ Imps and De- 
mons join in gigantic laitghter, the most dolorous and horrid 



The Devil's Kingdom. 39 

ii.olse'i (ire credted; additional horrors are added; fire, smoke, 
briiiixtone, thunder, §'c. are ma.Mng a soul luirrowing noise I 
All move back on the starje, descending into a fiery abyss; De- 
mons take Victims hack first, Common Imps go next, Leading 
ImpxfoUoic and the Devil last; then the Angelic Jiost enter, from 
xidex, tJi ro ugh fioor, from top, and make one vasthost of earthly 
and heamiiM/ angels, shutting out the Infernal Regions entirely. 

GRAND ANGEL DANCE. 
Transformation; ascending of Angels, &fc. Saints and Dr> 
Philosopher enter, after Angels ham partly ascended in Pyra- 
mids, ^'c, aM .strike tableau, lohen Dr. Philosopher speaks.'\ 

Dr. Phit.osopher.— Let all the earth rejoice, that the hour has 
arrived, when truth, though crushed, will rise again, and sway 
her sovereign power over all animated creation ! 

Therefore, ye that yet live, we implore you improve the time in 
the hour of youth, and rend asunder the bonds that hold the mil- 
lions in subjection to his demoniacal kingdom, when peace and 
good-will, will reign throughout the world ! 

[Transformation, Singing and Grand Tableau.'] 

THE END. 



Dr. S. M. Landis' New Printed Plays, 
TO 

STAR ACTORS, ACTRESSES 

AND 

MANAGERS OF THEATRES, 

DR. S. M. LANDIS, Author and Proprietor of the following 

Entirely Original Plays, oflers the same to '« Stars" and 

to Managers of Theatres. He will lease or sell these 

Plays, or, if desired, portray the ''Star" 

characters himself, viz : 

1. The Great American Bi)ectacular Drama, entitled, THt2 
DEVIL'S KINGDOM, as in this book. Dr. Landi? 
as the Devil. A lady can play this character. 

2. The "Prophetic" War Drama, entitled, THE SOCIAL 
WAR OF 1900: or, THE CONSPIRATORS 
AND LOVERS. Five Acts and Ten Grand Tableaux. 
Dr. Landis as Dr. Victor Juno. A lady »*Star" as MiHif 
Lucinda Armington. 

3. Tragic Tableau Comedy, entitled, LESSONS IN 
SEARCH OF GREATNESS; or, STEPPING 
DOWN THE LADDER. Four Intermissions and 
Fourteen Scenes. Each Scene closing with an Exciting Tab- 
leau. Dr. Landis as Simon Pure, Esq. 

4. Stirring Comedy Drama, entitled, THE INSANE 
LOVER; or, FATE OF THE LIBERTINE, 

Three Acts and Seven Tableaux. Dr. Landis as lnsa?ie Loiter. 

5. Soul- Ilarro icing Tragedy, entitled, THE FIEND; or, 
TORTURER OF INNOCENCE, Two Acts and 
Seven Tableaux. Dr. Landis as The Fiend. 

Address, 

DR. S. M. LANDIS, 

No. 13 N. Eleventh Street, Philadelphia, Pa. 



SPECIAL NOTICE.— Plays will be written to order for 
" Stars" of either sex, or for " Stock Companies." 



iM 



